Never Split The Difference Mind Map

OLD METHOD - RATIONALLABELING is a way to validating someone's emotion by acknowledging itHOW AM I SUPPOSE TO DO THAT?GETTING TO YES METHODTACTICAL EMPATHYFISHER AND URYRATIONAL1: SEPARATE THE PERSON FROM THE EMOTION2: DON'T GET WRAPPED UP IN THE OTHER SIDE'S POSITION (WHAT THEY ARE ASKING FOR)BUT INSTEAD FOCUS ON THEIR INTEREST (WHY THEY ARE ASKING FOR IT)SO YOU CAN FIND WHAT THEY REALLY WANT3: WORK COOPERATIVELY TO GENERATE WIN-WIN OPTIONS4: ESTABLISH MUTUALLY AGREED-UPON STANDARDS FOR EVALUATING THOSE POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS.NOT REALLY USEFUL WITH IRRATIONAL PEOPLEBECAUSE I HAVEN'T 50.000 BUCKSCALM THE COUNTERPARTACTIVE LISTENINGSLOW IT DOWNUSE THE VOICEDEEP, SOFT, SLOW ASSURING, AS A DJYOU FEEL CONTROLMIRRORINGREPEAT THE LAST THREE WORDS70% BETTER THAT POSITIVE REINFORCE"THE OTHER CAR IS NOT OUT THERE BECAUSE YOU GUYS CHASED MY DRIVER AWAY..."MIRROR: "WE CHASED YOUR DRIVER AWAY?"5 STEP1.USE THE LATE-NIGHT FM DJ VOICE2.START WITH "I'M SORRY..."3.MIRROR4.SILENCE, AT LEAST FOUR SECONDS, TO LET THE MIRROR WORK ITS MAGIC ON YOUR COUNTERPART5.REPEAT1.A GOOD NEGOTIATOR IS PREPARED. A GREAT NEGOTIATORS IS PREPARED TI REVEAL THE SURPRISE HE IS CERTAIN TO FIND2.DON'T COMMIT THE ASSUMPTIONS, VIEW THEM AS HYPOTHESIS - THE NEGOTIATION IS THE TEST3.NEGOTIATION IS NOT A BATTLE, IS A PROCESS OF DISCOVERY, THE GOAL IS UNCOVER AS MUCH INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE4.MAKE YOUR SOLE FOCUS TO THE OTHER PERSON AND WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY5.SLOW IT DOWN6.PUT A SMILE IN YOUR FACECALM AND SLOW, IF YOUR DONE PROPERLY YOU CREATE AN AURA SO AUTHORITY AND TRUSTWORTHINESS WITHOUT TRIGGERING DEFENSIVENESSTHE POSITIVE PLAYFUL VOICE. THE DEFAULT, TO RELAX AND SMILETHE DIRECT OR ASSERTIVE VOICE. USED RARELY BECAUSE WILL CAUSE PROBLEMSREPEAT THE LAST THREE WORDS (OR THE CRITICAL WORDS)12DON'T FEEL THEIR PAIN, LABEL ITEMOTION'S AREN'T THE OBSTACLE, THEY ARE THE MEANS"IT SEEMS LIKE..."YOU WORRY THAT IF YOU OPEN THE DOOR, WE'LL COME IN WITH GUNS BLAZING"IT LOOKS LIKE..."YOU DON'T WANT TO GO BACK IN JAILYOU CAN MOVE THE "PATIENT" TO A RATIONAL STATE IF HE UNDERSTAND THAT YOU EMPATHIZE HIS EMOTIONS"IT SOUNDS LIKE..."AND THEN GO SILENTNEUTRALIZE THE NEGATIVE AND REINFORCE THE POSITIVEIF THE OTHER IS ANGRY "I'M AN ASSHOLE"CREATE A COMMON DICTIONARY OF EMOTION AND YOU CAN GUIDE TO RATIONALBEWARE "YES" MASTER"NO"YES CAN BE FALSENO USUALLY IS TRUEAFTER QUESTION YOU AN ASK:"IT SEEMS THERE'S SOMETHING WHERE THAT BOTHERS YOU - "NO"ESCAPE ROOT FOR DON'T SAY NOA CONFIRMATION "YES" IS A REFLEXIVE RESPONSE TO A BLACK AND WHITE QUESTIONONLY A COMMITMENT "YES" IS A DEAL"DO YOU WANT THE FBI TO BE EMBARRASSED? - NO"NO IS BETTER OF YESBECAUSE NO IS PREDICABLE IN A NEGOTIATIONS, YES IS A COMMITMENT1-PAGE 862-PAGE 9023% MORE SUCCESS BY 2NO IS NOT FAILURETRIGGER WORDS IN NEGOTIATIONSAME AS YESIS "THAT'S RIGHT"SUMMARIZE AND REPEAT WITH THE SAME PATTERN OF THE COUNTERPARTSIGNALED THAT THE NEGOTIATIONS COULD PROCEED FROM DEADLOCKPAGE 103WARNING:"YOU'RE RIGHT" CHANGE ANYTHINGREALLY BETTER THEN YESSIGNALED THAT SOMETHING CHANGE IN THE MIND OF A COUNTERPARTDON'T COMPROMISENEVER SPLIT THE DIFFERENCETRY A CREATIVE SOLUTIONCOMPROMISE DON'T PRODUCE STRATEGYTAKE YOUR TIME"NO DEAL IS BETTER THAT A BAD DEAL"IF THE OPPONENT KNOWS YOUR DEADLINE HE'LL GET TO THE REAL DEAL AND CONCESSION-MAKING MORE QUICKLYTHE DEADLINES ARE ALMOST NEVER IRONCLADNO SUCH THINGS AS FAIR (there is no exact answer)10 $ EXPERIMENT . YOU CAN OFFER TO OPPONENTEVERYONE OFFER FROM 2 TO 8 $THE ONLY LOGICAL OFFER IS 1$WHEN STUDENT UNDERSTAND ROCKS BECAUSE THEY THINK TO BE RATIONAL ACTORS"WE JUST WANT WAS FAIR"IS THE RIGHT ANSWER"..WE HAVE A FAIR OFFER""..SO PLEASE STOP ME AT ANY TIME IF YOU FEEL I'M BEING UNFAIR"SPEAK AT THE ENDI SUGGEST YOU LET THE OTHER SIDE ANCHOR MONETARY NEGOTIATIONSUSE ODD NUMBERS, NOT CATTED OR ROUNDEDPAGE 139CREATE THE ILLUSION OF CONTROLDON'T TRY TO NEGOTIATE IN A FIREFIGHTTHE IS ALWAYS A TEAM TO THE OTHER SIDECAN BE CHANGE THE PERSON YOU SPEAK TOSUSPEND UNBELIEFDIRECT QUESTION"Hei dog, how do I know she's all right?""how" questioncorrect questiononly a right answer"Well, I put her on the phone"don't use "WHY"use calibrated questionWhat about this is important to you?How can I help to make this better for us?How would you like me to proceed?What is that brought us into this situation?How an we solve this problem?What t he objective / What are we trying to accomplish here?How am I suppose to do that?ExamplePAGE 156PAGE 157PAGE 158THE LISTENER CONTROLDON'Ttry to force your opponent to admit that you are tightAVOIDquestion that can be answered with "yes" or tiny part of informationASKcalibrated question that start with the words "How" or "What"start question that start with "Why"is always an accusation in any languageCALIBRATEyour question to point your counterpart toward solving your problemBYTE YOUR TONGUEno angry, no emotionsTHERE IS ALWAYS A TEAM ON THE OTHER SIDEGUARANTEE EXECUTION"YES" IS NOTHING WITHOUT "HOW"IN A NEGOTIATION FOR MONEY ASK "HOW" IS BETTER THAT "NO"BUILD TOGETHER THE PRICES, EX:LIST OF THINGS I CAN SALEPINOCCHIO EFFECTIN A STUDY OF THE COMPONENTS OF LYING, Harvard Business School professor Deepak Malhotra and his coauthors found that, on average, liars USE MORE WORDS then truth tellers and use FAR MORE THIRD-PERSON PRONOUNS. They start talking about him,her,it,one,they and their rather then I, in order to put some distance between themselves and the liehumanize yourself, use your name - PAG 180 "NO" have alternative:"I'm sorry but I'm afraid I just can't do that"PAGE 184BARGAIN HARDREST ON YOUR SIDE3 TIME ALMOSTTHANKS EVERY TIME YOUR OPPONENT DO PROPOSALNEGOTIATION STYLESTUDY FROM AMERICAN LAYER-NEGOTIATOR65% COOPERATIVE STYLE24% TRULY ASSERTIVE STYLEANALYSTMETHODICAL AND DILIGENTNOT EMOTIONALCAN WILL GIVE YOU A PIECE, IF YOU DON'T, HE DISENGAGEREMEMBER TO SMILE AND LEAVE THE TIME TO THINK TO YOUR OPPONENTACCOMODATORTHEY LOVE WIN-WINFOCUSED ON PERSONDON'T SACRIFICE YOUR OBJECTIONS - ATTENTION TO EXCESS CHITCHATASSERTIVETIME IS MONEYLOVE TO WINAGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION STYLEEVERY SILENCE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK MOREATTENTION TO THE TONE - CALIBRATE QUESTIONS AND LABELSSILENCE MEANS THEY WANT TO THINKTHE BLACK SWAN RULE IS DON'T TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED; TREAT THEM THE WAY THEY NEED TOBE TREATEDZOPA - ZONE OF POSSIBLE AGREEMENT35%-65% LAWTHE BEST QUESTION IS NOT "WHY"IS "I DON'T SEE HOW THAT WOULD EVER WORK"OR "WHY DID YOU DO THAT"THE ATTENTION IS ON THAT"I" MESSAGEFOR STRATEGIC BOUNDING"I'M SORRY, THIS DON'T WORK FOR ME"NO AGGRESSIVE TONE"I FEEL______WHEN YOU_____BECAUSE________1) SET YOUR TARGET PRICE (YOUR GOAL)2) SET YOUR FIRST OFFER AT 65 PERCENT OF YOUR TARGET PRICE3) CALCULATE THREE RAISES OF DECREASING INCREMENTS (to 85, 95 and 100 percent)4) USE LOTS OF EMPATHY AND DIFFERENT WAYS OF SAYING "NO" TO GET THE OTHER SIDE TO COUNTER BEFORE YOU INCREASE YOUR OFFER5) WHEN CALCULATE THE FINAL AMOUNT, USE PRECISE, NON ROUND NUMBERS LIKE, SAY, $37893 RATHER THAN $38000. IT GIVES THE NUMBER CREDIBILITY AND WEIGHT6) ON YOUR FINAL NUMBER, THROW IN A NON MONETARY ITEM (THAT THEY PROBABLY DON'T WANT) TO SHOW YOU'RE AT YOUR LIMITTHE THREE TYPES OF LEVERAGEPOSITIVENEGATIVENORMATIVEWHEN YOU CAN GIVE SOMETHING TO THE OPPONENT"I WANT TO BUY YOUR CAR"ABILITY TO MAKE THE COUNTERPART SUFFER"IF YOU DON'T FULFILL YOUR COMMITMENT YOUR BILL/ETC..., I WILL DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION""IT SEEMS LIKE YOU DON'T...""IS USING THE OTHER PARTY'S NORMS AND STANDARDS TO ADVANCE YOUR POSITION"RELIGIONTHE MARKET, THE EXPERTS, GOD, SOCIETY...A GOOD REASON FOR MOTIVATIONMISTAKES1) THEY ARE ILL-INFORMEDHAVE INFORMATION DIFFERENT ON YOU2) THEY ARE CONSTRAINEDBY COMPANY RULES3) THEY HAVE OTHER INTERESTHIDDEN TO YOU
308 3 1