People are more willing to choose hate than love. Because hate is easier than love, the operation is simple and the responsibility is not mine, even It makes me more powerful! But the result of hatred is mutual confrontation, with both sides losing. The pain in your heart will never be healed When there is an opportunity for healing, when there is any disturbance, the sediment will rise and thunder.

To choose love, you must first get through the hurdle of being hurt. He has obviously suffered harm, but he wants to repay it with Qiong Yao. Needed here It is not just courage, but knowledge and wisdom. Only when you understand can you accept it. Many couples would rather quarrel than Be willing to dissect your inner hurt because anger is so much better than heartbreak. If you believe that true happiness is not fake Pretending to be fine, if you want to pursue a sense of happiness that is clear and accessible, the first thing you must possess is The courage to face your own inner pain. And this is the first step on the road to Adler's philosophy.

An independent person should be very lonely. He is not in a superficially lively interpersonal relationship. Even in love, he is still lonely. This loneliness may be some kind of truth in life.

Personality knowledge

behavioral goals

psychological goals

Good social relationships cannot occur without respect

Whether it is a parent-child relationship or an interpersonal relationship in a company, this is true in all interpersonal relationships. It’s the same in all departments. First of all, parents must respect their children, and bosses must respect their subordinates. The "teaching party" must respect the "taught party" "Party". Where there is no respect, good interpersonal relationships cannot occur, and without good relationships, there cannot be smooth comminicate

“Respect is the ability to see a person realistically and recognize their unique personality”

Respect means working hard to enable the other person to Grow and develop yourself.

Don't impose your own values ​​​​on others, but strive to discover the value of that person's own and further help Helping them grow and develop is respect. There is absolutely no respect whatsoever in attempting to manipulate and correct others. Heavy.

Once there is no respect between each other, there will be no humane "relationship". Such a unit is nothing more than a gathering of A collection of people who are merely "functional" like screws, springs or gears. Even if some mechanization can be done "job", and no one is qualified for the "job" of humanity.

See with other people's eyes, hear with other people's ears, feel with other people's hearts

Just care about "the kids' interests." No matter how cheesy a game seems to you, first try to understand what it is all about. Try it yourself and play with them occasionally. It’s not about “playing with you”, but about being involved in it and enjoying it happily.

At this time, children will truly feel that they are recognized, "respected" and treated as equals as a person. is just treated as a child.

a way of respect

resonance

"See with other people's eyes, use other people's ears Listen and feel with other people’s hearts.”

Teach children respect and demonstrate respect as a way to build the foundation of interpersonal relationships. Teach children about relationships based on respect

To find a valid reason for the current self that is too far from the ideal

Suppose you are struggling with life and want to change yourself. However, changing yourself means leaving behind Abandoning the "past self", denying the "past self", suppressing the "past self" can be said to be the "past self" "Self" is sent to the grave, and then he will be reborn as a "new self"

No matter how dissatisfied you are with the current situation, can you choose to "die"? Can you plunge into the bottomless darkness? This is not Easy to do. So, people don’t want to change and want to maintain the status quo no matter how painful it is.” Moreover, we have to find some suitable excuses for the choice of "maintaining the status quo".

In order to find a legitimate reason for the "current self" that is too far away from the ideal, I put my past into perspective. Go paint it gray. Want to attribute the reasons to "it's all the fault of that school" or "it's all because of teachers like that" etc. on the pretext. And, with the thought "If I met an ideal teacher in an ideal school, I would not be where I am now." Thinking like this, I plan to live in imagination.

History is a huge story that is constantly tampered with by those in power at the time. History often follows the rules of right and wrong determined by those in power The view has been subtly tampered with. All chronologies and history books are fake books that have been tampered with for the purpose of proving the times. Legitimacy of those in power.

Everyone is the compiler of the story of "me". In order to prove the legitimacy of "me now", its past is often Feel free to rewrite.

People will only select events from the huge event system that happened in the past that meet the current "purpose" and give them meaning. Then treat it as your own memory. On the other hand, events that do not meet the current "purpose" will be erased.

hateful others

Poor myself

What to do next

five stages of problem behavior

Purpose: Get a sense of belonging and worth

Four misconceptions and The purpose of wrong behavior (the content of positive discipline)

revenge

Prove incompetence

Children prove that they are special by being trained

abandon the judge's position

trust

trust

Work is a subject closely related to survival

Division of labor and cooperation are rare survival strategies invented by humans to compensate for physical disadvantages. Work is first of all a matter of division of labor.

In order to survive, we need division of labor, and in order to divide labor, we need mutual trust.

Division of labor also comes from human self-interest

The goal of education is to help them become self-reliant

Self-reliance starts with respect

To respect, you must first trust

Only when we get rid of self-centeredness can we gradually achieve independence

Since time is limited, the establishment of all interpersonal relationships is based on "separation". The reality is that we meet for separation. In all encounters and interpersonal relationships, we should constantly strive for the "best separation" so that one day when we are separated, we can say without regret that "the time I met and spent with this person was very worthwhile."