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Galería de mapas mentales Accompany your children’s lifelong growth (Analysis version of Hao’s father)
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Accompany your children’s lifelong growth (Analysis version of Hao’s father)
This is a mind map about accompanying children’s lifelong growth (analyzed by Hao’s father). The main contents include: lifelong growth, sense of value, unconditional love, and fundamental issues in educating children.
Editado a las 2024-02-11 08:37:51,
Accompany your children’s lifelong growth (Analysis version of Hao’s father)
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Accompany your children’s lifelong growth (Analysis version by Dad Hao)
Fundamental issues in educating children
cars and gardens
Raising children
Build a garden?
Build a car?
simple science and complex science
Simple
Cause and effect relationships are clear and traceable
car
Rocket
complex
Causal relationship is unclear and cannot be traced
weather
life
methodology
simple system
Made with complex means
manufacture
complex system
Driven by simple rules
gardener
sun rain dew soil
sardine
isometric follow
Human Evolution
genetic variant selection
grow
Two parenting processes
Made according to requirements, design and management
Children lose themselves
Very successful but boring
It’s not enough if you desperately want it
There are many but not happy
Deliberately designed
Full of confrontation and submission
Exerting too much force, feeling extremely tired, and the child is in pain
Parents and teachers are so tired that the children don’t know what they want.
The growth of experience, companionship, support and appreciation
full of curiosity
have power
Gratitude and contentment
accept impermanence
Companionship, full love and support
Family harmony, children run forward on their own
I feel relaxed, my children are happy, and we enjoy each other
Parents develop their children and develop themselves, influencing each other and growing together.
The most important purpose of education
Help children build vitality
as a person
intrinsic motivation
Love yourself, love society
Full of curiosity and like to explore
Ability to solve setbacks by oneself
Parental injury
Project your own childhood
angry with children
What parents need to do
Take care of yourself
Make yourself sunnier and healthier
Give children a better personality influence
Sit back and enjoy the results
Even if parents make mistakes, children will be fine
Children have vitality
Very flexible
Spontaneously pursue a better life
The prodigal son often appears
have confidence in children
sense of value
let children know
he is valuable
He is capable
He can solve many problems by himself
The level of self-esteem will be high
Shape children’s sense of value
emotional guidance
Time to shape children’s sense of value
Not when the child does something wrong
But when the child does the right thing
Habitual blow
well done
Don't raise your tail
You did not do well
You are worse than others
As long as parents show up, they will never allow their children to be happy and proud
Continuously lowering the child's self-esteem level
Self-esteem level determines self-discipline
high level of self-esteem
High self-discipline
Parents emphasize when children do something right
My parents said I did well
Am I really that good! ?
Turns out I'm so powerful
I have to work hard to do things well
I don't deserve to do such terrible things
I cherish my wings and strive to do things better.
low self-esteem
low self-discipline
Children will grow up as their parents describe them
My parents say all the time that I can’t control myself
I can't control myself anyway
Just ignore it
Play with mobile phone and never let go
Your parents always say that you can’t control yourself if you play with your phone again.
Anyway, I can’t control myself from playing with my phone.
No matter what, just play, do whatever you like
How to improve self-esteem levels
aldult
do something small and achievable
Clean the room
Praise her and say why
By doing the right thing, build a self-awareness and always do the right thing in the future.
Praise her, not just for doing a small thing right, but for the ability behind it
Example: A child stops playing on his mobile phone after 20 minutes.
Yiyi, your act of taking the initiative to stop using your phone is great!
Do you know what your behavior is called?
This behavior is called self-discipline.
Do you know what self-discipline is?
Self-discipline means being able to control yourself to do what you should do.
Dad thinks you are a self-disciplined child.
Have a sense of value
You know what kind of person you want to be
Manage yourself
Ask yourself
Know what channels you can use to achieve your goals
What parents need to do is to provide "vision"
Let children see as rich a world as possible
Give children a wide enough range of choices
core
Parents should focus on what their children are doing right
There are many things that even if you do something wrong, there will be a right motive behind it.
Why do parents always see their children doing something wrong?
anxiety instinct
There are many dangers in primitive society, and one must be anxious to survive
There are not so many dangers in modern society, and there is no place for the anxious instinct.
Unleash your anxious instincts towards the people you’re in a relationship with
Doing things based on instinct releases anxiety
Education is about resisting primitive instincts
Example: Principal Tao Xingzhi’s three candies
A child was fighting with his classmates and was seen by Principal Tao Xingzhi, who asked him to wait in the principal's office for a while. The student left tremblingly.
three candies
Tao Xingzhi saw the student coming tremblingly.
give you a candy
Reward you! I asked you to come, and you came! It shows that you have me as the principal in your heart. This is called respecting the teacher!
Students and children are confused
Come and give you another candy
I just went to investigate and found out that you took action because that classmate bullied a female classmate. What you call courageous behavior!
The student was at a loss and said, "Actually, I was also wrong and shouldn't hit my classmates."
Come and give you another candy
No one is a sage, and he has no faults, so long as he corrects them, you are called knowing your mistakes and being able to correct them!
We were beaten and scolded since childhood
Doesn't make us better behaved
It makes us more cunning
Picking your own eggs
Even when the child has obviously done something wrong, you can still find the bright spots behind it and shape her behavior.
lifelong growth
virtue behind virtue
fixed mindset
After encountering setbacks, the first reaction is not fear
Everyone has a fixed personality. If I fail this time and the personality collapses and cannot be built up again, I will become a bad person. Even if I succeed this time, I have to be careful in case anything happens. If you can't cope with something, your personality will collapse and years of hard work will be wasted.
Example
worry about gains and losses
Can't afford to lose if I lose
Winning is afraid of losing
Narrow, closed-minded and stagnant
growth mindset
Every setback is a learning opportunity
The days are still long, and setbacks are nothing, because I am weak now, but as long as I work hard, I will be strong in the future, and setbacks will allow me to discover problems and continue to improve, so setbacks are a good thing and exciting.
Example
Why integrity
This transaction is just one time, there will be many transactions in the future, there is a trading system
why modesty
Because I feel that the days are still long and today’s results are really insignificant.
The days are long and we continue to grow
How to build lifelong growth
Don’t put a lot of labels
Compare
The motivation to maintain your self-esteem system is to be better than others
Don’t dare to challenge the difficulty
Just pursue the feeling of winning
Don't fight with anyone in your life
Only compete with yourself
Just outperform yourself
let yourself become
Parental fault tolerance
Do parents have enough patience to tolerate their children making mistakes?
Parents' affirmation
That's for sure the outcome
Or is it the reason behind the results?
Example: The child scored 100 points in the Chinese language test
You are sure of this score
Or why we achieved such good results?
I am sure the children have made a lot of concrete efforts in Chinese language.
Consolidate children’s good learning methods and learning attitudes in Chinese
Affirm the motivation behind your child’s achievement
A good grade may just be a coincidence
If we want to get good grades often, we need to understand what we are doing right.
Understand the study habits, methods, and attitudes behind
Find the motive and solidify it in some way
summary
Feel the process of learning and hard work
The wonderful process of learning full of experience
boast results
Make children vain
Let children love and win the feeling
unconditional love
The driving force within a person is love
Why do you want to live a good life?
Why study hard?
Why work?
Because the world is beautiful, I love this world and hope it will be better.
Children's hearts are full of love
Trust, respect, security
Build unconditional love
contradiction
Parents’ real thoughts
unconditional love
Even if the child fails to live up to expectations, is unfilial, or even becomes a criminal, parents still think about their children and
But express it so that the children can feel it
conditional love
If you study well, you will love it, if you are obedient, you will love it, and if you are promising, you will love it.
do not love
If you do not meet the requirements, you will be disliked or even abandoned.
The harm to children can go into hormone levels
Fight against two
exchange
Exchange "learning" with something your child likes
"Like" replaced by "dislike"
Learning is bad
Undermining the correct understanding of learning
Learning itself is something that makes you happy, because it makes you feel better and more capable of exploring and changing the world, making the world a better place.
Studying is a terrible thing, and I can barely persevere only if my parents give me enough rewards. From now on, when I work, I have to work for 5 days in pain and 2 days for happiness. It would be great if no one cared about me and I still had money to spend, but I would never study; If only I didn't have to work and had money to spend, I would never want to work.
threaten
physical fight
Verbal violence
Children are in a state of stress, fear and insecurity
Adrenaline hormone is secreted in large amounts over a long period of time to cope with danger
high hormone levels
Emotions can easily get out of control
Being simple and rude to children
How easy it is for you to handle children
After puberty, your children will feed back to you the patterns they learned from you.
Children love us far more than we love our children
Exchanges and threats look very effective
Reasons why threats are effective
For example: If we spank our children, they will forgive us after a while.
grumpy parents
innocent child
rebellious child
When we are angry, we can use harm to our children as a bargaining chip, but the children dare not respond by hurting us as a bargaining chip, so we always win and they always lose.
Whatever you do, I don’t want you anymore
I couldn't bear to lose you, so I lost
You don’t want me, I don’t want you, I ran away from home
If you don't study hard, I'll beat you!
You beat me, but I also have to love my mother, so I lose.
If you hit me, I will hit you, and I will spare it
Threats work because children cannot lose us, but the consequences of threats are the loss of love.
Why exchange works
Learning is a painful thing
It needs to be exchanged for happy things
I don't like studying
My parents used material things in exchange for me studying hard.
Mom doesn't like me
He likes me who studies well
I have to exchange good grades for him to be nice to me
I use my studies in exchange for my father being nice to me
Exchange effectively teaches children to be philistine, but once the cold habit of equivalent exchange is established, the result is a loss of love.
Threats and exchanges eventually fail
Threats are increasingly challenged as the child's self-awareness increases.
be challenged
If children risk their lives, their parents will definitely lose.
I use my body and soul as bargaining chips to resist
I mutilated myself, jumped off buildings, ran away from home and resisted with my body. I gave up on myself, deliberately became decadent, and used my life's happiness as a bargaining chip to resist.
Swapping will become more and more satisfying as the child's appetite grows.
Overweighted
Children's needs will definitely exceed their parents' ability to bear
Even if you don’t give it to me, I can get it.
Girls just cling to it, boys just grab it.
Unconditional love is an efficient, green and sustainable educational tool
Children do not receive unconditional love
Insecure
To pursue a sense of security all my life
Paying a heavy price for the pursuit of security
Unconditional love means "no matter what"
Not caring about anything is called "ignoring"
When your child does something wrong, you must point it out and correct him
Disobedience is a naughty test, and children will continue to test it.
Do my parents love me?
I'll do something opposite to test it out.
try again
try again
. . .
summary
If a parent is moody
Children need to spend a lot of energy to test
He has no patience anymore, he yells at me, he doesn’t love me anymore
He really didn’t talk about me, he cared about me, he loved me
How to make unconditional love
Speak unconditional love
premise clarification
Because mom and dad love you, so I want to tell you why you can’t do it
severe expression
Point out problems without anger
Not right for people
serious attitude
Reiterate at the end
Although your parents criticized you, we will always love you.
Avoid exchanges and threats
Reestablish unconditional love
It is easiest before the age of three
Emotional vocabulary
values
behavioral habits
Repeat infinitely
Gentle and bounded
Tenderness represents love
mild attitude
Boundaries also represent love
Based on love
Serious but not irritable
Tie with the child's heart
will not doubt each other
Will not bully each other
Will not fight for power
alienated from children
Spend your life proving your parents wrong
Arranged marriages stimulate parents with a lifetime of unhappiness
have unconditional love
behave better
There are boundaries in doing things
Be grateful in everything
Educated
Pretend to be educated
forced by parents
to please
For the sake of parents
Appearing to have a tutor
Established successfully
willing to obey
Because my parents love me, what they say must be for my own good, so I have to pay attention and listen.
Creation failed
game relationship
Discipline will become increasingly difficult
Unless you hit me
threaten
Unless you give me something
exchange
Unconditional love brings a sense of belonging
I belong to this family