Adler: Individual psychology, Adlerian psychology is not a rigid science, but to understand the truth and goals of human nature

Cause Theory: The past determines the present self, and causes lead to results (Freud)

Teleology: creating a certain phenomenon to achieve a certain purpose (Adler)

Adler explicitly denied psychological trauma and believed that it is not our past experiences that determine us, but the meaning we give to history.

Anger is a removable means to achieve an end

Adlerian psychology is a kind of thought and philosophy that is diametrically opposed to nihilism (nihilism, as a philosophical meaning, believes that the world, especially human existence, has no meaning, purpose, understandable truth and the most essential value). Human beings are What can be changed, people are not controlled by emotions, people are not controlled by the past

The Freudian cause theory represented by the theory of trauma is determinism in disguise and is the entrance to nihilism.

The first step to change is to understand Adlerian psychology

The answer should not be obtained from others, but found out by oneself

Both Socrates and Adler wanted to inspire people through dialogue

The reason why you want to be someone else is because you feel unhappy. If you can't feel happy, you can't "always be like this" and you need to change.

What matters is not what is given, but how to use what is given

Will the reality change if we blindly stick to "what we have been given"? We are not replaceable machines. What we need is not replacement but renewal.

The reason why you are unlucky now is because you personally chose "unfortunateness"

You chose misfortune at a certain stage in your life because you think "misfortune" is "good" for you, that is, it is beneficial.

Adlerian psychology uses the term "lifestyle" to describe personality or disposition

"Lifestyle" - the concept of the tendency of thinking or behavior in life, the way of giving meaning, which is the result of one's own active choice

You can choose your own life again

The reason why you can't change is because you are constantly determined not to change your lifestyle, because even if you are dissatisfied with your life, you still think it is easier and more reassuring to maintain the status quo.

It takes a lot of courage to change your lifestyle. Adlerian psychology is the psychology of courage. The reason why you are unfortunate is because you lack the "courage to obtain happiness."

If you want to change, you need to have the determination to "abandon your current lifestyle." If you live in assumptions such as "what if", you will not be able to change at all.

No matter what happened in your previous life, it has no impact on how you spend your future life.

In order to avoid getting hurt in interpersonal relationships, choosing to only look at your own shortcomings, hating yourself, and choosing yourself full of shortcomings is good.

To eliminate worries, only one person can survive in the universe

People can become individuals only in social relationships

People's troubles all stem from interpersonal relationships

Personal worries (internal worries) do not exist at all

Inferiority complex is a word about self-worth judgment

Inferiority complex is not an objective fact but a subjective explanation

People like to pursue superiority. When they are unable to achieve their ideals, they will develop a sense of inferiority.

Inferiority complex is not the same as inferiority complex

Inferiority feelings can be an opportunity for hard work and progress

Inferiority complex refers to the state of using inferiority complex as some kind of excuse

The law of external causation: interpreting things that originally have no causal relationship as if they have a significant causal relationship

The inferiority complex sometimes develops into another special psychological state - the superiority complex.

Superiority Complex - Acting as if one is superior and then immersing oneself in a false sense of superiority

On the same plane, there are people walking in front and people walking behind.

The so-called pursuit of excellence means constantly moving forward and not competing with anyone. It does not mean being superior to others.

A healthy sense of inferiority does not come from comparing yourself to others, but from comparing yourself to your ideal self

The value lies in constantly surpassing oneself

If there is competition in interpersonal relationships, it is impossible for people to get rid of the troubles caused by interpersonal relationships, and it is impossible to get rid of misfortune.

If you are aware of competition or victory or defeat, you will inevitably have a sense of inferiority, and an inferiority complex and a superiority complex will also arise. Unknowingly, you will regard others and even the world as your enemy.

When you think about relationships from a competitive perspective, you see the happiness of others as your own failure.

If I can get out of the cycle of competition and realize that everyone is my partner, my view of the world will be completely different.

Power struggles in relationships are about trying to prove your power by winning

If the power struggle fails, it will enter the stage of revenge.

Never be fooled when provoked by a struggle for power

Once people think they are right in interpersonal relationships, they enter into a struggle for rights.

If you think you are right, then it shouldn’t matter what the other person’s opinion is. Trying to make the other person give in will make you think that admitting your mistakes is equivalent to admitting failure.

Admitting mistakes, withdrawing from power struggles, and apologizing are not failures.

The goals of Adlerian psychology regarding human behavior and psychology

life lessons

When an individual wants to survive as a social being, he will encounter the human-machine relationship that he has to face. This is a life issue.

Work topic: No matter what kind of work, no one person can complete it alone

Friendship topic: refers to a broader sense of friendship apart from work.

Adlerian psychology is not the psychology of changing others, but the psychology of pursuing self-change.

The subject of love

Love can only be felt when one can feel that one can be free with this person

The Lie of Life (Adler): The attempt to create various excuses to avoid life’s issues

Adlerian psychology is not a psychology of possession but a psychology of using (it is not about what is given but how to use what is given)

Self-affirmation can lead to superiority and inferiority complex

Self-acceptance means honestly accepting that you can't do it, and then trying your best to work towards what you can do without lying to yourself.

The same goes for the separation of topics. It is necessary to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed.

God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference between the two——"Niebuhr's Prayer"

We don't lack ability, we just lack courage

Trust in Others: Turn your persistence into concern for others

Trust: Trusting others without attaching any strings

If you are afraid to trust others, you will ultimately be unable to build a deep relationship with anyone.

Contribution of others: a means to realize my value

Self-reliance---the awareness that I am capable---self-acceptance

Coexist harmoniously with society - everyone is my partner - others trust and others contribute

The wrong lifestyle that lacks harmony in life is to focus on one insignificant aspect and attempt to evaluate the entire world based on it.

Workaholism is also a way of life that lacks harmony in life.

For people, the greatest misfortune is not liking themselves

Happiness is a sense of contribution

The end point of the human-machine relationship is a sense of community

Sense of community: the state of seeing others as partners and being able to feel that one has a place in them

A sense of community is the most important indicator of happy relationships

If you want to understand what Adler calls the sense of community, you can first start with me and you (turn your obsession with yourself into care for others)

A lifestyle that only cares about what others think is a self-centered lifestyle that only cares about "me"

You are part of the community, not the center

The sense of belonging cannot be obtained by just leaning on one place. He must actively participate in the center of the community to feel it.

Active participation means facing life's issues head-on, that is, not avoiding interpersonal issues such as work, making friends, and love, but facing them proactively.

A sense of belonging is not something you are born with. It must be obtained by your own hands, and you must also think about what you can give to this person.

When we encounter difficulties in interpersonal relationships or cannot see an exit, the first thing we should consider is to listen to the voice of the larger community.

Living in fear of relationship breakdown is an unfree lifestyle of living for others.

How to realize the development route from subject separation (the entrance to interpersonal relationships) to a sense of community (the goal of interpersonal relationships)?

Horizontal relationship (equal relationship) Vertical relationship (relationship between superiors and subordinates)

Reward and punishment education creates a relationship between superiors and subordinates, and creates an education in which superiors control subordinates.

Adler opposed all vertical relationships and advocated viewing all interpersonal relationships as horizontal relationships

The feeling of inferiority is originally a consciousness arising from vertical relationships.

Why do people interfere with others? Behind it is actually a vertical relationship. Precisely because we regard interpersonal relationships as vertical relationships and regard the other party as lower than ourselves, we interfere.

Adlerian psychology calls this kind of assistance based on horizontal relationships encouragement

People will form beliefs about their own incompetence because of being praised

How to encourage others in horizontal relationships: "Thank you," "I'm very happy," "It helped a lot." The most important thing is not to "evaluate" others.

When people hear words of thanks, they will know that they can contribute something to others.

People can only gain courage when they feel they are valuable

If one can see oneself as valuable, that person can accept oneself and build the courage to face life's issues head-on.

People can only feel their own value when they can realize that they are useful to the community.

Please do not look at others by behavioral standards but by existential standards.

Regarding the issue of community feeling, someone must start. Even if others do not cooperate, it has nothing to do with you. This is my opinion. You should start without considering whether others cooperate.

How do you realize your own value? First of all, as long as there is one aspect between you and others, you must establish a horizontal relationship.

If you establish a vertical relationship with someone, you will unconsciously grasp all interpersonal relationships horizontally.

On the other hand, if you can establish a horizontal relationship with someone, that is, establish a true equal relationship, it will be a major change in your lifestyle. Using this as a breakthrough, all interpersonal relationships will move horizontally.

It’s not about turning anyone into a friend or treating everyone like a friend. That’s not the case. The important thing is equality in consciousness and insisting on one’s own opinions.

Currency is minted free

Adlerian psychology denies seeking approval from others

We don’t have to meet other people’s expectations. We don’t live to meet other people’s expectations.

Basically, all conflicts in interpersonal relationships are caused by forgetting to interfere in other people's issues or being arbitrarily interfered with in one's own issues.

The way to identify whose project it is is very simple. You just need to consider who will ultimately bear the consequences of a certain choice?

The only one who can change yourself is yourself

The child's issues are not the parents' issues. No matter how much the parents take care of their children's issues, the child is still an independent person and will not live completely according to the parents' ideas.

All you can do about your own life is "choose the path that you think is best." On the other hand, how others evaluate your choice is their business and you have no control over it.

Specific ways to solve interpersonal relationships: first think about whose issue it is, and then separate the issues; which ones are your own issues and which ones are other people’s issues, you must calmly draw the line, and do not interfere with other people’s issues. Let others interfere with your own issues

Subject separation is not the ultimate goal of interpersonal relationships, but the gateway

If you want to build good interpersonal relationships, you still need to maintain a certain distance.

It will be easier to live according to other people's expectations, because that is entrusting your life to others, such as walking on the road paved by your parents. Although there will be all kinds of dissatisfaction here, as long as you are still on the track, you will keep walking. You will get lost, but if you decide your own path, you are likely to get lost, and you may even face the question of "how to survive."

Living to meet other people's expectations or entrusting your life to others is a way of life that lies to yourself and to those around you?

Adults who have chosen an unfree lifestyle will criticize young people who are living freely today for their hedonism. Of course, this is actually a life lie fabricated to allow themselves to accept an unfree life.

Don't care about other people's evaluations, don't be afraid of being disliked by others, and don't pursue other people's approval. If you don't pay the above price, you won't be able to implement your own way of life, that is, you won't be able to gain freedom.