MindMap Gallery Psychological knowledge-self-consistent mind map
It is important for people to know themselves. Self-knowledge is a kind of wisdom proposed by Laozi, "He who knows others is wise, and he who knows himself is wise." It can be seen that knowing oneself is the beginning of the maturity of human wisdom.
Edited at 2023-11-20 17:13:01This is a mind map about bacteria, and its main contents include: overview, morphology, types, structure, reproduction, distribution, application, and expansion. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
This is a mind map about plant asexual reproduction, and its main contents include: concept, spore reproduction, vegetative reproduction, tissue culture, and buds. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
This is a mind map about the reproductive development of animals, and its main contents include: insects, frogs, birds, sexual reproduction, and asexual reproduction. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
This is a mind map about bacteria, and its main contents include: overview, morphology, types, structure, reproduction, distribution, application, and expansion. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
This is a mind map about plant asexual reproduction, and its main contents include: concept, spore reproduction, vegetative reproduction, tissue culture, and buds. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
This is a mind map about the reproductive development of animals, and its main contents include: insects, frogs, birds, sexual reproduction, and asexual reproduction. The summary is comprehensive and meticulous, suitable as review materials.
Self-consistency (Shi Xinyue)
Chapter 5: Both body and soul must be healthy and interesting
Useless things make people feel that the world is worthwhile
If you ask, "Read ten thousand books and travel ten thousand miles." Is there any use? It seems useless, but useless things always make people feel that the world is worth it.
Use hobbies to transcend the trivial matters in front of you
Hu Shi’s three prescriptions for young people:
First, you must always look for one or two issues worth studying.
Second, always develop more amateur interests.
Third, you have to have a little confidence.
The first two "prescriptions" mean to maintain intellectual curiosity and hobbies outside of work. Work already takes up so much of our time, so take some time to do something you really enjoy.
Be a long-termist and stay away from small profits in front of you
There are a few things that must be looked at in the long term:
1) Lifelong learning, enriching knowledge, improving character, and improving life experience. Not only the needs of work, but also the needs of people themselves. If you don’t read and seek knowledge, you lack the spirit of long-termism.
2) Manage your health and exercise. Because health is the foundation of everything. If health is gone, everything is empty talk.
3) Help others and give back to society. A person's value is reflected by helping others. A person who keeps giving will surely gain a rich heart.
4) Live a moderate life, keep saving, and manage your finances prudently.
If something in your life/work does not meet the above requirements, you should make changes. Long-termists are pragmatic and can look up at the moon and see the road ahead. Long-termists are based on vision and the overall situation to implement the things that are arranged every day. The more a person can "go far", the bigger the picture will be, and the spirit will be closer to long-termism.
Stay open and curious about foreign cultures
When it comes to luxury accessories, you should have the awareness that “if you have it, you will lose it”
Financial management must keep accounts, otherwise you won’t know where the money has been spent. There are several types of accounts that need to be kept:
1) Investment accounts, large consumption accounts, and additional consumption should also be recorded.
2) You should also record non-daily consumption, and set a limit for yourself. If you exceed it, you will not use it.
Don’t be too frugal
Frugality is a kind of self-discipline. Self-discipline in everything consumes energy. Human energy is limited. Try to use energy on important things instead of wasting it on trivial things day after day.
Being too frugal means being stingy, and living too tightly will lead to unpleasant moods. You must be able to grasp the big and let go of the small to make yourself more relaxed. People can't be too picky about themselves and others. Spending money on relatives and friends is a way to express feelings.
When young people buy a house, they either need to live in it themselves; or even though they can’t live in it, they want it to be easy to sell in the future so that they can sell it later and buy a better one.
To manage your finances well, you must also be careful not to have holes in your money bag. Beware of financial pitfalls. Only by preventing pitfalls and fraud can you ensure the safety of your money bag. Whenever you are greedy for petty gains and are eager to get rich, it is a good time for scammers to start. All kinds of unreasonable returns, all kinds of eccentric "niche" financial investments, all kinds of so-called internal quotas, special opportunities to meet so-and-so people, are pitfalls that must be avoided.
The false proposition of wealth freedom
People who make money on their own cannot stop. Lei Jun continues to start his own business, and Dong Mingzhu has not retired from Gree. Everyone needs to prove their worth. If you are given everything ready-made, people will not be able to bear it.
Health is 1, everything else is 0
The body is the container of thought, the tool of action, and the capital of revolution. "The body is like a bodhi tree, and the mind is like a mirror stand. It should be brushed diligently at all times to prevent it from being contaminated by dust." That is to say, we must maintain good health and practice well.
Time management is a zero-sum game
Life is the process of passage of time. How you grasp time is how you grasp life.
There is a term in economics called "disposable income", which means you can spend it however you want after deducting necessary expenses. Applying this concept to time, we find that after deducting the time we have to do certain things, we have some "disposable time". It can be divided into four categories, the first three categories are "compulsory" and the fourth category is "elective":
Category 1: Physiological time, things you must do yourself, others cannot replace you. 10 hours
Category 2: Main business time, work and study. 7 hours
Category 3: Emotional time, time to chat and gather with family or friends. 1 hour
Category 4: Independent time, you can do anything. 6 hours
time category awareness
Time category table for time management (to-do list)
focused time period
Focus on the time period and focus on doing this.
Subject and goal management of independent time
List the things to be done into various subjects and punch them in to complete.
Be your own doctoral supervisor
Self-education requires self-guided continuous learning, and is the beginning of another comprehensive education with a longer time span, deeper content, and greater impact on life. Whether it’s for work or for personal interest, people always want to learn something. It is human nature to like to master new knowledge and learn new skills.
Continuously educate yourself,
Self-education allows people to be fully independent, and they are their own doctoral supervisor. It is not only learning knowledge and acquiring skills, but also a comprehensive education of outlook on life, methodology and comprehensive development of human beings. Help yourself to choose topics, guide yourself to study, research, practice, and evaluate yourself. The following aspects can be considered:
The first is topic selection, which is equivalent to which "Ph.D." degree you want to apply for. The topic selection should not be too complicated. It is enough to have one focus at a time and at most two. It is best to keep it for about a year and not change it frequently; if there are two focuses, you should also clarify the priority, which one is the major and which one is the minor. Go with your own study plan. When the plan is almost complete, you can turn your minor into a major.
The second is time arrangement. Since you are studying for a Ph.D., you must have a "teaching plan." Arrange a year or so to focus on one thing. After choosing a big topic, you must break it down into small subjects, and then break it down into each month, every week, and every day according to time. The most important time dimensions are days and weeks. You know best which time period of the day is easiest for you to arrange study. Find a relatively fixed time period and try to form a habit and stick to it.
The third is to pay attention to output. Self-education cannot have only input and no output. I feel that I have learned a lot, but I lack organization and summary. If we look at the way to train doctoral students, a thesis is required for doctoral graduation. In the learning process, there should be some staged output tasks. Ask yourself to write an article or complete a work, share it on a suitable platform, and discuss improvements with people who share the same hobby. Only things that you understand very clearly can you explain clearly to others.
Self-education can improve people’s vision and structure
The main content of self-education is self-study. Countless people in the world who have achieved extraordinary achievements are ultimately self-taught. No one can achieve great results by just following a teacher. The purpose of self-education is to promote better growth and become a richer and more harmonious person. We must also pay attention to our all-round development and not neglect aesthetics, morality, philosophy and health.
If self-education is done well, knowledge and skills will continue to improve, and life will be enjoyable, the vision and pattern of life will become wider and wider; on the contrary, a life lacking self-education will inevitably become more and more boring, dry and dry, leaving only The flies and dogs are busy, as the saying goes, "If you don't read for three days, you will feel that the language is tasteless and the appearance is disgusting."
The saying "Live to grow old and learn to grow old" is not only a proverb to teach people to make progress, but also a secret book to teach people how to live a better life.
Chapter 4 Integrate your career into yourself and don’t let your career backfire
Find your flow at work
Leaving a job you don’t like is a sign of social progress
Judge whether the job is suitable for you from a practical perspective
Work has two sides, one is reality and the other is emotion. But reality is the basis of feelings, and feelings can only be discussed on the basis that reality can still be maintained.
1) The practical aspect is that the work content is not objectionable. A feeling of pleasure that can arise when you focus on something. Some people liken work to leveling up and fighting monsters. Having this mentality of playing games means finding ways to work more challengingly.
2) Work pressure should be appropriate. Pressure generally comes from two aspects, namely things and people. Things are work. Human stress is the intensity of interpersonal relationships. Interpersonal relationships refer to whether colleagues can cooperate well, whether they are united, and whether newcomers can easily integrate into the group.
3) Working hours should also be appropriate. Don’t be too tired, and balance work with rest.
Observe work emotions alternately with career and career perspectives
The work content is not objectionable, the pressure is appropriate, and the time is appropriate. These three things belong to the "nature" of the job. How much money can be earned from the job is the "price" of the job. Whether a job is suitable or not is ultimately determined by cost-effectiveness.
Judge whether the job is suitable for you from an emotional level
The first is respect, both society’s respect for the industry and respect for individuals. If a person's work lacks respect for a long time, it will not last long.
Second is the social significance of work. Generally speaking, the greater the social significance, the more respected you will be; the greater the social significance, the higher the career satisfaction.
Finally, there is the individual need to achieve higher value. The realization of higher value is a state achieved by combining the practical and emotional aspects of work. From a practical level of work, one must do a good job and do it for a long time; from an emotional level, this work brings value to both individuals and society. The combination of these two aspects will give people a great sense of career satisfaction and life achievement.
Feelings and reality are also emotional regulators when facing work. When things are not going well at work, just think that this is reality and that it is a job that supports your family. When work goes well, you can think about your feelings and look up at the moon. Using career and career perspectives to alternately look at yourself and your emotions at work can be regarded as a kind of self-psychological massage.
Professionalism = professional skills x character professional image
1. What does professionalism include?
Professionalism means that you must have the knowledge and methods to do your job well. Furthermore, you also need to have some qualities that match the work. Generally speaking, you need to be reliable, including estimates of the time, costs, and difficulties required to handle the work yourself. These should be relatively accurate. Going a step further, you need to restrain yourself, that is, hide your personality and spontaneity. Speech should be rigorous and accurate, emotions should be stable, and clothing should be appropriate, but there should be no personality. Show standard style and image.
2. Career is not equal to everything in life
The first big pitfall is that the appearance of professionalism trumps its substance. Skills and quality are the core elements, and image is an important factor, but the level of skills and quality cannot be exceeded. The professional image must be within the scope of professional abilities and qualities.
The second biggest pitfall is to go too far in professionalism and completely lose yourself. What I hope is a person who can freely adjust and relax professionally. He is still himself, but he is more mature, calm and reliable in all aspects.
If you want to work less overtime, you need to use your brains in work handover
Jobs that are difficult to hand over easily
Work that is difficult, time-consuming, and difficult to hand over easily. Come on yourself.
Correctly face mistakes and criticism in the workplace
Criticisms for common mistakes should be dealt with before and after the fact: in principle, criticism and reminders should be emphasized beforehand, ugly remarks should be made first, and prevention should be the priority; criticism and reminders should be treated lightly afterward, and do not ignore others. Otherwise it would be bad for everyone.
The focus of a good team culture should be on preventing errors. To prevent errors, you need to establish processes, remind them frequently, and practice continuously to improve your work level and proficiency. From a personal point of view, newcomers in the workplace should be careful, ask more questions and think more, make fewer mistakes, let alone make big mistakes.
Establish processes to prevent errors
First, be serious. It is necessary to combine personal seriousness and meticulous character and habits with professional work, and run it throughout. Only then will your seriousness have life, and it is no longer a specimen of "water without a source, a tree without a root".
Second, arrange time reasonably, including team work allocation and personal time management. The so-called "make mistakes while busy" means you should pay attention to checking and rechecking when you are busy. More importantly, you should have psychological expectations for possible mistakes, so that there is room for tolerance.
The third is a reasonable review. The purpose of the review is to accumulate experience, optimize the process, and focus on the matter rather than the person. It is not to exert pressure and hold people accountable.
Good working atmosphere, no fear of "taking the blame"
When criticizing others, first ask yourself what your purpose is. Whether you are criticizing someone or helping someone, if you want the other person to accept you, you have to pay attention to your attitude, such as not hurting others or being sarcastic. Another important principle is to treat the situation not the person.
When criticizing others, it is better to say less than more. If you want to say something, put yourself into that situation. If it were you, how would you handle it? The best way to persuade others is to lead by example.
Leadership is not the same as charisma
An organization must have a smooth relationship between the leader and the led, work instructions can be implemented, and there must be review, supervision, and evaluation. To be a leader is to give instructions for others to follow. That is leadership.
How to be a good little leader
The core is work-centered, which requires small leaders to focus on thinking about how to divide a job reasonably, what is the time schedule, what are the stage goals, and how to ensure quality. The establishment of the authority of small leaders comes from work effectiveness, reasonable division of labor, satisfactory progress, and excellent finished products. The division of labor is unbalanced, the schedule is too loose or too tight, the results are substandard, and authority cannot be established.
Leading by example is the most important thing for a young leader. If you throw all the difficult problems to others and pick the weak ones yourself during the division of labor, you will not be able to convince the crowd. You must do what you ask others to do first. Even if you can't do it, you must criticize yourself, instead of just criticizing and not doing anything.
When you are a small leader, you have to be able to handle things. For a big leader, you have to be responsible. It is reflected in decisive decisions after careful consideration. When encountering difficulties, "I will go first", and when problems arise, "I will be responsible" and "I will deal with the aftermath." The leader should be the "shield" of the team. When faced with criticism from superiors or customers, these criticisms should be directed to the leader. Summarize and discover problems, and don’t become a transparent person with no ideas.
Full authorization and effective supervision.
Authorization, trust based on mutual understanding, believing that he can complete it, and asking about the progress or any difficulties before the deadline.
Supervision, state the requirements before starting the work, and unify the format and style; coordinate at all times during the work; revise and adjust in a unified manner after the work is completed. Effective supervision is not to find faults, but to create a unified and coordinated work result based on the principle of work-centeredness and breaking out of division of labor.
Leadership is not the same as charisma
As a leader, as long as you work hard, be work-centered, understand the division of labor and delegation, and be responsible, it is enough. If you want to be a leader, you should observe and learn how other leaders usually do things. Learn more about the good ones and remind yourself of the bad ones.
As long as it is beneficial to the work, no matter inside or outside
Break through rigid defensive thinking
At the beginning, it can be to save consumption, accumulate strength, and gain a firm foothold, but when you feel about the same, you need to take the initiative to do things actively.
As long as it is beneficial to the work, no matter inside or outside.
In the final analysis, work is for the benefit of the company. For anything that is beneficial to the company, you must follow the arrangements, do not pick jobs, and do whatever you are told.
Don’t let titles tie up your hands and feet in doing things
Take things that are good for the team as part of the team, not because of whose responsibility it is, it has nothing to do with me. The power of an individual is limited, and only by uniting can we achieve success.
The ancients have long explained the nature of customers
He is a valet serving different customers, and the customers are the masters who pay for his ideas.
Life cannot be reduced to just PPT and chat records
Common sense must be taught repeatedly before it can start to take effect.
Get out of the slump in the workplace with spiritual nourishment
There are no highs that cannot be overcome, but there are lows that cannot be overcome.
The easiest way is to change jobs, or even change industries. There will definitely be highs and lows will come at any time. Instead of striving for highs, be prepared for setbacks and lows.
Things not to do when you’re down
When people are at a low point, the most unpleasant emotions are self-doubt and self-denial.
When you are in a trough, don't blame God or others, let alone yourself.
Tang poetry and Song lyrics are spiritual lessons for Chinese people
Most of the setbacks and troughs encountered by people today may be as light as a feather in the eyes of previous generations. Tang poetry and Song lyrics are not only textbooks for people to appreciate literature, learn history, and hone their writing, but they are also scriptures that carry life attitudes and teach people physical and mental stability. The lower one is, the more literature and poetry are needed to relieve one's sorrow.
The best way to prevent and treat occupational diseases is in your own hands
perfectionism disease
For the sake of your own physical and mental health, you must say "no" to perfectionism at work. Because no one can do it, only God can do it, so there is no need to embarrass yourself like this.
business management disease
When you get off work, you should remind yourself not to bring the same things you did at work to your home, because you don’t need to manage anyone at home, so don’t be so rigid and do whatever you want to do to relax and feel comfortable.
Whether at home or in business, reason and emotion are not opposites. If you don’t understand the principles clearly, just talk about your emotions and use them flexibly.
Fear of missing out and fear of class consolidation
The phobia of missing out means that if you don’t buy something, you’ll be sorry for yourself.
The phobia of class solidification is that if you don’t support your family, you will never get ahead.
If you don’t want to be fooled and believe that you only do things that you are good at and like, and at the same time are things that others need, you are valuable; believe in the most basic values of life - health, friendship, integrity, and compassion. Anything that violates these basic value principles must be questioned first, as there is something wrong with it.
Plan your career rationally
Career "Five-Year Plan"
When newcomers look at their first five years, they can divide it into two stages: the first two or three years, when they enter the role and gradually adapt; the next two or three years, if they adapt well, they can do something in-depth or improve. Try it, and if you still have trouble getting into the role, do some self-evaluation and adjust the direction. If you can find your career path and direction relatively clearly within your "First Five-Year Plan", you can move forward more focused in the second five years.
It is also possible that within the "First Five-Year Plan", you find a situation that is very unsuitable, and that is not a big deal. The important thing is to help yourself find the direction. Even if you don't find the direction, it is still very rewarding.
Make a rough plan for each five-year period, but you should not just focus on the immediate five-year plan, but also have a long-term vision. The closer the target, the more solid, detailed, and easy to operate. The farther the goal, the more realistic it should be. This is the basic method of setting goals.
There is a four-image rule in time management, which breaks down time factors into two pairs of indicators: important, unimportant, urgent, and not urgent. It is recommended to focus on things that are important and not urgent. The same is true for career planning. The immediate plan is of course important, but it should also be considered in conjunction with the longer-term vision.
Rational planning, emotional decompression
When you encounter stress or difficulties, stop what you are doing, look at recruitment websites, look at job opportunities, and comfort yourself. You still have many choices.
Chapter 1 Self-consistency, knowing and accepting yourself
Knowing yourself is the starting point for everything
It is important for people to know themselves. Self-knowledge is a kind of wisdom proposed by Laozi, "He who knows others is wise, and he who knows himself is wise." It can be seen that knowing oneself is the beginning of the maturity of human wisdom.
Knowing yourself
First of all, you must understand your objective self, your genes and physical conditions, your family and the small environment in which you grew up, the general environment of your region and era, etc. Starting from your own physical condition, you know that there are some things you cannot do.
What's more important is to understand your subjective self, which is your own interests, hobbies, personality, temperament, and way of thinking. The subjective self is the real self, and the subjective self is sometimes difficult to grasp and even changes from time to time.
Be self-consistent, know and accept yourself
The completion of self-understanding is ultimately reflected in acceptance
Just knowing but not accepting is not complete yet. If you don't want to admit your "shortcomings", you'll be embarrassed, but once you accept that you are like this, things become easier to handle. For example, if you hate stress, you should think about the source of stress and know how to deal with it when it comes. Under pressure, you should be careful not to make common mistakes. Although I still hate pressure, I feel more calm when facing pressure.
On the basis of understanding yourself, make some preventive adjustments. On the other hand, you must also accept certain specific facts. For example, some aspects are really not good, but some aspects are done very well. Recognize and accept your own characteristics, start from yourself, gain something from everything you do, and make progress day by day.
Today's society likes to rank people and make them scramble to be the first. Sometimes you have to reflect on yourself. You are not a monkey who will climb up when you see a pole. You still need to keep your brain sharp and awake.
Shatter the illusion of success
After people achieve some success, they will have an illusion, feeling that everything they do will be successful, and they will feel a little inflated. At this time, you should be vigilant. Life is very long. It is long enough that every "successful person" will fail, and long enough that every ordinary person has a chance of success. Therefore, it is a life practice to not feel inferior when you are ordinary, not to be conceited when you are successful, and to start from yourself and then return to yourself.
Self-discipline is a self-consistent behavior pattern
Self-discipline and time management are closely related. Confucius said: "The passing of time is like a man who never abandons day and night." So we must seize the time. The Buddhist scriptures say: "The day has passed, and the life has also been shortened." Therefore, we must practice seriously. Everyone knows the truth, but you still have to try it yourself and find your own rhythm.
All changes in the mind must be implemented into specific actions. After self-consistency, self-discipline is the only way to achieve change on the basis of fully understanding oneself.
Time is both objective and subjective. To say it is objective means that the passage of time does not depend on human will. The so-called dead people are like this, and a river of spring water flows eastward; to say it is subjective means that the length, amount, and reality of time are all related to people's understanding. , behavior has a lot to do with it. In addition, people are not machines. While seizing time, there should also be time to relax. Just thinking about nothing, just like the blank space on the picture, allowing the viewer to breathe in the complicated layout, just like the rippleless lake water, showing its original clarity.
Exploring oneself inward is a healthy involution
According to the original meaning of involution, when an organization cannot evolve forward and begins to refine inward, it is involution. Looking inward to explore how to maintain our body, how to nourish our mind, how to accept our emotions, and how to exercise our thinking is involution in the classic sense, and it is undoubtedly good for us.
Psychologically, I need to lie down sometimes
In life, there are times when you are making rapid progress and times when you are hesitant and stagnant. Faced with the opportunities provided by the environment and the ever-changing forms, people need to adjust, advance when they should advance, and stop when they should stop. It is said that when the enemy retreats, we advance. , the enemy advances and we retreat, the gentleman moves according to the times.
Guidance from experts is the key to self-growth
Guidance from an expert means taking the initiative to point out some truths to us, or our current growth position, and the way forward in the future. The power of role models has two functions: the first is to see the shining points in someone, and to learn from them. The advanced thing is that when you don't know what to say, what to think, or what to do, just think about what he would do if he faced the same situation as you. When you meet masters and role models and get inspiration, the first thing you need is an open heart and a willingness to ask others for advice. You can always discover the advantages around you. "When three people are walking together, there must be someone who can teach me."
Chapter 2: Choose based on reality and yourself
Opportunities are created by trying, not by imagining.
There are many things you like, just find one and do it. The most difficult thing about many things is getting started. It’s a waste of time to struggle for a long time. If you want to go, go right away. No one starts when everything is ready. Maybe there will be no results at the beginning, but who knows what will happen in the future. If it encounters the right sunshine and rain, it will sprout.
An important thing still needs to be carefully arranged and done as well as possible. As the saying goes, "strategically despise the enemy, and tactically pay attention to the enemy." To despise the enemy strategically means not to make things too difficult, but to have an aura that others can do what I can't. Tactically, we must also arrange the methods, steps, and time of things, and take them seriously.
Being able to decisively judge what you can and cannot do is a very important ability.
Don't set limits for yourself, make good use of opportunities.
First, do what you like. Second, proceed from yourself and reality. Third, try more.
One choice cannot determine a lifetime
As everyone progresses on their career path, they will always enter different stages, come into contact with different fields, and interact with different colleagues. Even if they are in the same unit or department, we should always use the thinking of "changing jobs" to look at it. People and things.
What major to study, what career to pursue, what industry to choose, there are many problems in life. Because a temporary choice is not forever, even if you choose a satisfactory major now, you must continue to learn, stay sharp, and provide abilities inside and outside the major so that you can be satisfied with yourself, not others.
Entrepreneurship is a life choice
Entrepreneurs should remain simple while becoming mature
1. Passionate self-discipline: You need to be enthusiastic, passionate, have a plan and be self-disciplined.
2. Be bold and cautious: Don’t be afraid of risks, but you must also be cautious and not make disruptive mistakes. Some entrepreneurs rely on investors’ money to do their business, while others use their own money to operate. Either way, entrepreneurs are required to have very prudent financial principles. Some industries rely on burning money, while others rely on operations, services, and technology.
3. Simple maturity. Entrepreneurs have to deal with many people internally and externally. Without mature and stable emotions and emotional intelligence, it is difficult to gain support from the people around them. So there are a few things you need to have: mental maturity, emotional intelligence, good conduct, and high emotional intelligence. He also needs to be able to "buy people's hearts."
The maturity of entrepreneurs also needs to be used to cope with various accidents and risks. When encountering things again, they can: "Don't be surprised when things happen suddenly, and don't get angry when things happen without reason." It is difficult for people who jump at the slightest touch to do business. After all, as the saying goes, "harmony brings wealth."
A simple heart is the most sensitive. Entrepreneurs must always feel the dynamics of the market, the dynamics of the team, and the actions of relevant parties. It is difficult for an overly mature mentality to make timely judgments on various dynamics. It also shows that only by persisting in love without forgetting the original intention can we overcome all difficulties. Maturity is not a cunning person, but a state of being steady and innocent.
Chapter 3: See yourself in communication and position yourself in relationships
Saying "no" is an important communication skill
Break away from the thinking of one-third of an acre of land, and cannot go to the opposite direction - not refuse, accept all reasonable or unreasonable arrangements, and eventually exhaust yourself.
Newcomers in the workplace don’t need to take themselves too seriously
It is right for newcomers to work more, but they must control a reasonable amount. Between refusing to work and getting screwed, it's the lesser of two evils. It's not too offensive to tell others your reasons clearly and reject them. The unit is not limited to itself, but can also be assigned to others. If it doesn't work this time, just look for opportunities to cooperate next time.
If you encounter problems at work, you should report them to your superiors in a timely manner to avoid unnecessary trouble.
Being able to say "no" is an important communication skill
Saying "no" when it's time to say "no" is an important part of communication skills. The basis of communication skills is how I can speak clearly and how I can hear other people's thoughts clearly; at more advanced levels, I need to be able to sense the other person's prediction ability and the ability to make on-the-spot judgments when speaking.
If you dare not say "no" in the workplace, first of all, you have not made your difficulties clear, and secondly, you have not weighed the weight of the word "no" in the other person's heart. It is not ruled out that some people underestimate their rejection, but more often than not, they overestimate the weight of their "no".
There is a term in psychology called "pleasing personality" or "cater-catching personality". People with this kind of personality tend to force themselves to satisfy others, and over time they produce a lot of negative emotions and psychological garbage. Therefore, from a psychological point of view, if it is serious and you cannot say "no", it is a disease and must be treated.
Rejection at work requires clear and concise information, why, and whether it will work tomorrow if there is no rush. No one likes the word "no", so don't use "no" when you don't need to explicitly reject others, let alone use "no" as a mantra. It can be replaced by "right" and "yes". If you really don’t know how to answer a conversation, you can watch how the crosstalk actors compliment you. It might give you some inspiration.
Don’t let the way you speak undermine your strengths
There are two levels of people's language ability: one is whether they can explain things clearly, and the other is whether they can chat. People who can explain things clearly can basically achieve accurate language, clear logic, highlighted points, and appropriate details.
Whether you can chat is a more advanced ability. In addition to conveying information, it also has social attributes. Can express emotions, understanding, intimacy, rejection, and other complex social messages.
Although speaking things clearly and being able to chat are two levels of ability, they are often intertwined. People who can chat are more likely to explain things clearly, but sometimes even though things are explained clearly, things still don't get done because they don't know how to chat.
Be honest in your speech
The first principle is sincerity, honesty in content and sincerity in attitude. Honesty means "knowing what you know, and not knowing what you don't know" without exaggerating or bragging. When you encounter something you don’t understand at work, it’s not shameful to say “no” generously and provide suggestions on how to solve it.
You should tell the truth at work. Sometimes it takes some courage and some methods. When facing some controversial matters and raising different opinions, you need to think about how to speak out to reduce aggression. The first principle is to treat the matter rather than the person. You can also use a third-person perspective to evaluate a matter. "What will others think of this matter?" Even if you are right, try to put it forward in a humble and exploratory way, and avoid being unreasonable. people.
When advocating telling the truth, we should not go too far. Telling the truth depends on the situation in some situations. Mr. Ji Xianlin said: "Don't tell all lies, and tell not all truths." Even if you are forced to tell lies, you should choose those lies that are not harmful to others and deal with them.
Always speak sincerely
Another meaning of sincerity is sincerity. Sincerity refers to attitude. If you give an opinion, the starting point is that you really feel that there is something wrong with the matter and it is not good for the work; if you express your feelings, it is true and not pretentious; if you criticize others, you point out your mistakes and Expect corrections, don't be condescending, and don't take things personally.
To speak well and humorously, you need to read books, books on knowledge and literature. Knowledge books can help people understand things and relationships; literature books can help people understand how people speak with different personalities and on different occasions.
What does "be able to chat" mean?
In life, just chat comfortably with people. The first principle is that when talking about topics that others are interested in, be careful not to judge or talk to yourself. Appropriately adding some humor will also achieve good results. A more appropriate one is to lightly laugh at yourself, but don't overdo it.
Although it is about how to speak beautifully, the language is plain and the words are clear, which is also a great advantage. As long as you can be sincere and respectful when speaking, and don't offend others, being "clumsy" is also cute, and it is much better than talking sweetly and using sweet words.
Speech power is positively related to personal influence
speech
Relax and start from yourself. You can talk like you usually talk to others. You don't need to be too pretentious. Just add a little humor in some places.
Keywords are a good method, but don’t be stubborn
Just use keywords as hints and structures, but don’t be stubborn.
Understand your audience, especially their emotional state
To get off to a good start, it is important to understand your audience, their emotional state, and how to mobilize their emotions in the direction you want.
The first party responsible for the tension between colleagues is the company
To observe the relationship between colleagues, we can start from the team atmosphere and company culture, and then look at personal accomplishment and handling style. Only in this way can we have a comprehensive view.
Children's social style is a model for adults
It is very easy for children to make friends. If two people play with a toy together, they will become friends. It inspires us how to understand others and make friends without labeling them.
Making friends depends on fate
Friendships all start with kindness. When fate comes, cherish the friendship in this vast sea of people; when fate comes, friends are far away, but they are also close friends in the sea. In the past, storytellers always said that the green mountains will not change and the green water will always flow. We will meet again in the future.
Intimacy cannot destroy the basic dimensions of interpersonal relationships
Avoid the pitfalls of love
First, pay attention to safety. In addition to not being too impulsive, you must also beware of abnormal personalities. The love of a perverted personality is quite fanatical at first, but as soon as there is some conflict or a breakup occurs, this strong emotion may go to extremes as love turns into hate. First check whether the other person's mood is stable and whether he knows how to speak and act appropriately. Be wary of people with two polar behaviors: They either show a kind of obsessive confidence that they always want to be different and pretentious, or they praise those they like to the sky and trample on those they don't like.
Second, don’t lose yourself and don’t settle for perfection.
Although loving someone means restraining oneself and pleasing the other person, it must be within a voluntary and comfortable range. If people always suppress their emotions, they will easily hurt themselves and others. If you wrong yourself too much, you are also indulging the other person, and the relationship will not last long in the end.
Intimacy is a type of interpersonal relationship that, although it can be very close, cannot destroy the basic dimensions of interpersonal relationships, such as respect, privacy, autonomy, and gratitude. Once it is destroyed, it becomes chaotic. The relationship will lack basic order and standards of right and wrong, and the uncomfortable days will begin. No matter how good a person is, they are still two people, but they can never be the same person.
In an intimate relationship, if you have the idea of making the other person's actions and thoughts consistent with your own, please give up. When two people live together, they should seek common ground while reserving minor differences, and have basically the same common goals, but they should not be in sync all the time and everywhere. Fall in love but remain separate.
Thirdly, don’t just start it and it will last forever. Don't be busy, look again!
It seems unreasonable for two people to have the purpose of getting married to this person just after they established a relationship. Where did this happen just for the purpose of getting married? Falling in love is the process of exploring how two people get along, which may lead to living together, or they may eventually separate.
There is no harbor in life. Some people can accompany us for a long time, while others just accompany us for a while and then go their separate ways. Even if you find a lifelong partner, you two must move on together. Two people who have a good relationship and learn and improve in an intimate relationship will stay together longer.
Fourth, do trauma management when breaking up. Breaking up in a relationship can cause huge psychological damage to us and can also make us miserable inside. In life, you should also be prepared for breakup exercises. When the situation is calm, experience the feeling of breakup, list for yourself the things you should never do when breaking up, and even write down the "breakup escape plan" in advance, just in case you need it. . Of course it's best not to use it.
Seeing every trick on the road to intimacy
There are not so many things in life that you have to think about before doing them. It's all pretty much the same. You have a basic judgment about the person you're dating, the character is okay, you like it, and you can cooperate with each other when you have children in the future, then that's pretty much it. For other problems, let’s just deal with them on a case-by-case basis. "If there are flowers, you have to break them; don't wait until there are no flowers and no branches." If you like someone, go for it, but you must really like it. Although romantic love cannot last forever, it is still necessary at the beginning of a relationship.
Parents are small shareholders whose shares are constantly diluted
People have two parent-child relationships: one as children and one as parents. As a child, this weight is innate and cannot be chosen by oneself. To say whether people have a destiny, from this perspective, they do. The age of birth, environment, parents, and family background, these few things constitute the initial parameters of a person's destiny. Some parameters can be changed and broken through acquired growth and learning, while others cannot be changed. Our parent-child relationship as children falls into the latter category.
Stage changes in parent-child relationship
If you think of yourself as a company, equity is a process of continuous transfer from parents to you. Parents are constantly diluted from large shareholders to minority shareholders. This is the transfer path of growth decision-making power.
Analysis of the original family is the starting point, not the final destination
The good or bad influence of the native family are all external factors. What really matters is what kind of person the child is, whether he is curious, self-disciplined, whether he can combine goals and paths, and move towards his destination step by step. . You can't stop a child who is destined to travel thousands of miles.
Young people who have grown up can have a smarter way to communicate and resolve, because after all, no one understands your parents' temper better than you, and you know which way they like it and which way they don't. Approaching your parents again as a mature adult may bring about different changes and opportunities.
Psychologists have said that the negative impact or harm caused by the parent-child relationship can be resolved through the close relationship established by oneself.
Talk more to your relatives if you like them, and less if you don't like them, and keep smiling.
Home has always been a place where people feel both warm and entangled.
Help others without expecting immediate reward
Human value is reflected by providing help to others. Commodities are expressed through exchange. When we grow up, when we look at the world and others with compassion and empathy, it is not difficult to discover the needs and difficulties of others. Confucius said: "The beauty of a gentleman is the beauty of adulthood." A gentleman will help others achieve what they think is a good thing.
Doing your job well also helps others
Doing our job well and making the people we serve happy, smooth and efficient are also about helping others.
Don’t ask for immediate returns or exchanges
My subjective purpose is not to seek immediate reward and exchange. If you help someone with the expectation of a specific reward, that is not pure help. The highest state of helping people is that I help others and everyone helps me.
Pay attention to your attitude when helping others
Don't have a condescending attitude. Helping others can be done from two aspects. On the one hand, it is to help others and to do one's own job well. On the other hand, make a small donation plan and donate to others regularly or in fixed amounts.