Facing life issues head on
active
Friendship topics
Not by quantity, but by distance and depth
Work topic
See The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
The subject of love
When people can feel that "you can be unrestrained with this person, you can experience love."
Think more about the underlying logic of your actions
Do not fabricate lies to escape. Think clearly about the fundamental reason why you are doing this. Whether you have fabricated some illusions to prevent yourself from moving forward in order to escape.
Create a harmonious lifestyle
Avoid focusing on one insignificant aspect and trying to judge the whole world based on it. Don’t care so much about one thing that you neglect other things in your life.
Workaholics will argue: Because they are too busy with work to take care of family. In fact, this is a lie in life. It is just using work as an excuse to avoid other responsibilities. People who only rely on "behavior standards" to recognize their own value have only this aspect of life that they should lose. Sometimes you will be hit very hard. Such a life lacks harmony.
Get rid of subjective imagination and re-give value
It’s not our past experiences that define us, it’s the meaning we give to our experiences.
Avoid making excuses: explaining things that have no causal relationship as if they have a major cause-and-effect relationship
Reject the assumption: Some people fall into an inferiority complex, which causes them to stand still and become internally consumed. Finally, they rely on the superiority complex (if I don’t have it... I will definitely be able to...) to live in fantasy.
Afraid to move forward or don’t want to really work hard. Not willing to sacrifice the fun you currently enjoy in order to change yourself. In other words, you don’t have the “courage” to change your lifestyle. Even if you are somewhat dissatisfied or not free, you still prefer to maintain the status quo.
Focus on yourself and constantly surpass yourself
A companion, not an enemy
When you focus on your own progress, you have your own rhythm of life, you are fulfilled and calm, and your attitude towards the people around you will also change. You will no longer be jealous or regard others as enemies, but become partners in making progress together (premise: you can realize your self-worth)
Think about the purpose of each other's quarrel and do not fall into blind fighting and revenge.
Don’t argue, communicate rationally
In a quarrel, we will subconsciously fight to win or lose, trying to prove our strength by winning, but it cannot achieve any purpose of communication. Therefore, depending on the actual situation, we need to communicate rationally or not respond or proactively admit our mistakes to avoid arguing.
Being caught in a battle of superiority and inferiority will inevitably lead to a stage of revenge. It is meaningless to find the home court through other means and consume energy (yes, in addition to physical and verbal revenge)
Don't live in other people's expectations
Establish your own life framework
Regardless of whether you will be recognized by others, stick to your decision. The evaluation of outsiders will not affect you. There is no need to meet other people's expectations (whether your core is stable)
Separate your own life issues from those of others
Consider who will be responsible for the final result. Only you can change yourself.
own life issues
Put an end to the idea that you should reciprocate what others have done for you and live for yourself.
Choose the path you think is best. How others evaluate your choice is their business and you have no control over it.
Other people’s life issues
Don't interfere with others
Refrain from interfering in other people's life issues and deprive them of the opportunities they should have to grow on their own.
Interfering with others is actually a manifestation of self-centeredness: sometimes we find it troublesome and have no patience, so we directly complete tasks for others that should be completed by themselves.
Don't try to change others
We cannot manipulate others, nor can we control others. We can only change ourselves and influence others.
Adults who cannot choose a free lifestyle will criticize young people who live freely today for their hedonism. This is actually a life lie fabricated to allow themselves to accept an unfree life.
keep distance
If you are too close, you will not be able to see anything. If you want to build a good interpersonal relationship, you need to keep a certain distance. If you are too close together, you will not be able to have a direct conversation with the other party. The closer the relationship, the more you need to control the distance.
lighten one's burden
Interfering with or even taking on other people's life issues will make your own life heavy and painful.
Be available to help others when they need it
You can protect others based on understanding what they are doing, but you cannot point fingers without asking for help.
Seeking a place in the community
value exchange
Rather than thinking about "what will this person give me?" think more about "what can I give to this person?" A sense of belonging is not something you are born with. You have to earn it by yourself.
"Infinite" range
There is no need to stick to the small community in front of you. There are other, larger communities in the world. If a relationship can collapse because of your opposition, then there is no need to enter into such a relationship in the first place. It doesn’t matter if you abandon it on your own initiative. Amidst the fear of relationship breakdown, it is an unfree lifestyle of living for others.
sense of contribution
People can only feel their own value when they can realize "I am useful to the community". Subjectively, they can think "I have contributed to others". Happiness is the sense of contribution.
Lower your expectations of others (abandon the ideal image of others for you) Do not view others by the standard of "behavior" but by the standard of "existence". Be grateful for the existence itself. Existence itself has value.
Avoid vertical relationships Create horizontal relationships
Neither criticize nor praise
This kind of praise contains the characteristics of "the evaluation of the incompetent by the capable." When people praise others, they will use "you are amazing", "done well" and "really capable", which inadvertently creates a sense of superiority and inferiority. Feeling - You think others are lower than you, so you interfere. The purpose of praising others here is to "manipulate the other person who is lower than yourself." There is neither gratitude nor respect, and the feeling of inferiority is originally a kind of vertical relationship. consciousness
Learn to encourage others
"Thank you" "I'm very happy" "It helped a lot" Pure words of thanks can make others realize that they have made a contribution
Build horizontal relationships
If you establish a vertical relationship with someone, you will unconsciously grasp all interpersonal relationships from the "vertical" perspective. On the other hand, if you can establish a horizontal relationship with someone, that is, a true equal relationship. Lifestyle When major changes occur, all relationships will develop "horizontally"
It does not mean turning anyone into a friend or treating everyone like a friend. What is important is equality in consciousness and insisting on what you should stand for.
realize self-worth
self-acceptance
Distinguish between "things that can be changed" and "things that cannot be changed"
Accept the things that cannot be replaced. Accept the reality of "this me". Regarding the things that can be changed, have the "courage" to change.
Not only do we need to lower our expectations of others, we also need to be honest with ourselves. Having the courage to be "ordinary" is not mediocrity, but there is no need to show off your superiority. Everyone wants to be a "special" person, but when we truly accept Only by being ordinary can you have a broader perspective
trust in others
Unconditional trust is a "means" to improve interpersonal relationships and build horizontal relationships
If you are afraid of being hurt or betrayed and doubt others, you will always find relevant evidence to convince yourself. If you cannot have the courage to trust others, you will not be able to establish a deep relationship with anyone (the greater the risk, the greater the reward)
Contributions from others
It's not self-sacrifice, but a means to realize one's own worth.
We should think about what we can do for others and actively practice it
Live in the moment and give your own meaning to life
Life is a succession of points, a succession of moments
Separate the past, present, and future. No matter what happened in your previous life, it will have no impact on how you live your life in the future. Live seriously and prudently in the present. The decisive factor is not yesterday or tomorrow, but "this moment". Be yourself. Do what you want to do and keep working hard. The result is not something we can control. The important thing is that we enrich the present moment. Every moment along the way is scenery.
Wondershare EdrawMind
