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The Art of Loving Fromm
This is a mind map about Fromm's "The Art of Loving". In "The Art of Loving", Fromm put forward his unique understanding of love. He believes that love is a kind of emotion that has nothing to do with a person's maturity and only requires physical and mental investment.
Edited at 2024-03-02 23:58:03
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The Art of Loving Fromm
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the art of love Fromm
Introduction
An outstanding theoretical monograph that studies and explains the art of love using psychoanalytic methods.
Love is not a feeling that can only be obtained by investing your body and mind. If you do not strive to develop your entire personality and achieve a creative tendency, then every attempt to love will fail.
Without the ability to love others, without the ability to truly love others bravely, sincerely, and with discipline, then people will never be satisfied in their love lives.
author
Erich Fromm
German-American
psychologist
psychoanalyst
philosopher
Fromm's research is rooted in Freud's psychoanalytic theory and Marxist philosophical theory
People are products of their respective places. In modern industrialized society, people have become more and more self-alienated. This sense of isolation has led to people’s subconscious desire to combine and connect with others.
Chapter 1 Is love an art?
love is an art
Love is a thrilling feeling that happens by chance. Only lucky people can "fall" in love.
Two hypotheses
Most people believe in the second assumption, not that love is irrelevant, but on the contrary they pursue love
Most people think that love is first about whether they can be loved by others, rather than whether they are capable of loving.
worthy of love
Men strive to gain fame, wealth and power as much as possible
Women maintain their figure and dress to make themselves attractive
unisex
Have elegant manners
interesting conversation
helpful
modest, cautious
Most people believe that being "worthy of being loved" is nothing more than a mixture of the tendencies to win people's hearts and to be attractive to the opposite sex.
The reason for the view that there is nothing to learn about love
Nothing to learn: nothing certain
The steps you take to make yourself worthy of being loved are the same steps people take to succeed in society.
People think that the problem of love is a problem of object, not a problem of ability
Love is very simple, the difficulty lies in finding the object of love or the object of love
The reason for this view
development of modern society
Great changes in the choice of "love partner" in the twentieth century
In many traditional cultures of the nineteenth century, love was not a spontaneous, personal experience that ultimately led to marriage.
Marriage is determined through the families of both men and women, introducers, or in the absence of a matchmaker, through the method of title Oh Ah Yue.
Marriage must be well-matched, love will occur naturally after marriage
Romantic love now seeks a personal experience of love that leads to a dialectic
The new way of free love will certainly increase the importance of the object of love rather than the role of love itself.
The characteristics of contemporary culture are based on the desire to purchase and the concept of mutual benefit. The happiness of modern people is to appreciate the display windows and buy items within their ability in cash or installments.
Charming generally means that the person has many characteristics that are lovable and are currently in demand in the population market.
The occurrence of love is often based on weighing the exchange value of the other party and oneself.
In the 20th century, a woman who smoked, drank, was elusive and sexy was attractive. Today, women are expected to be able to take care of the housework and be cautious.
At the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th century, exciting and ambitious men were attractive, but now it is the kind-hearted men who are more popular.
Personal charm depends on the fashion of the moment
If I want to make a deal, I have to consider whether the other party is worthy of my pursuit from the perspective of social value. I also need to consider my obvious strength and potential strength, and whether the other party will take a fancy to me.
When both parties feel that they have found the most suitable partner provided by the market, taking into account their own exchange value, they begin to fall in love.
In a culture where commercialization dominates and material success is valued above all else
Love relationships between people follow the same basic principles that govern commodity and labor markets.
Not understanding the difference between "falling in love" and "lasting love"
The moment when two strangers come together and fall in love becomes the happiest and most exciting experience
It is even more beautiful and incredible for those who have never experienced love
Sudden, miraculous intimacy often occurs because of, or is caused by, same-sex attraction and sexual union. This type of love is inherently unsustainable.
People often regard this kind of intoxication and crazy love as a manifestation of strong love. In fact, it just proves how lonely these men and women were in the past.
There is nothing like love, which starts with great hope and ends with a high proportion of failure.
If it is something else, we can summarize the reasons for failure and learn lessons so that we can fight again or give up.
People can never give up on love
Overcome the frustrations of love, find the reasons and explore the meaning of love
Explore the meaning of love
First of all, we must realize that love is an art
master theory
master practice
The goal occupies the whole body and mind
Chapter 2 The Theory of Love
Love is the answer to the problems of human existence
Every theory of love must be based on the theory of human beings and the theory of human survival.
As soon as a person is born, he is pushed from a certain environment to an uncertain and completely open environment.
Man only knows the past and knows nothing about the future except death.
Facing the power of society and nature, he is powerless. It is his special and lonely existence that has become an unbearable imprisonment.
loneliness
sources of fear
Loneliness means no contact with the outside world
Unable to exert human power
Unable to grasp the world, things and people
It means that the world is drowning me and I can only let it go
Loneliness also causes feelings of shame and guilt
After men and women realize themselves and each other, they also realize the difference and distance between them, and they become strangers.
Haven’t learned to love each other yet
Recognizing the distance between people but not achieving a new union through love
source of shame
Roots of Guilt and Fear
man's greatest need
overcome his loneliness
Escape the prison of loneliness
A problem for everyone
How to overcome this sense of loneliness, how to transcend the personal world and realize the unity of mankind
People's answer to this question depends, to a certain extent, on the level of personality the person has achieved.
At the beginning, a child will not feel lonely as long as he is with his mother, and he will become one with her. When a child develops a sense of loneliness and personality, the mother's presence is not enough to eliminate his loneliness. He must overcome this feeling in other ways. loneliness
The more people are separated from their original ties and alienated from the natural world, the more they have to find ways to escape loneliness.
One way to achieve this is through various forms of sexual indulgence
self-induced trance
with the help of drugs
The many rituals of primitive tribes provide examples of this
In a brief moment of extreme excitement, the world disappears and the feeling of isolation disappears.
If it is a collective indulgence, the participants also experience the feeling of sharing the fate of a group of people, thus exacerbating the effect.
Sexual experience is closely linked to this indulgence
Sexual orgies can have the same effects as trance and drugs
Rituals for collective sexual orgies are widespread
Participants will not have a strong habit of loneliness in the next period of practice, but gradually the fear will rise again, so this ritual must be repeated.
As long as orgy is a communal activity of a tribe, it cannot arouse feelings of fear and shame
This behavior is "correct"
Doctors and monks agreed, and even got their support
Participants do not need to feel ashamed or guilty
For people in cultures that have lost this ritual, choosing this method is another matter.
Alcohol and drugs are the choices of some people in an era of non-group indulgence
These people suffer from the pangs of conscience
On the one hand, I want to overcome loneliness through alcohol and drugs.
But after the indulgence, the loneliness worsened
having to repeat orgy more often and with greater intensity
To some extent, sexual indulgence is a natural and normal way of overcoming loneliness and is partially effective
People who cannot relieve their loneliness in other ways take requests for sexual indulgence seriously
Not much different from alcoholism and drug abuse
Desperately trying to use sexual indulgence to overcome the fear of loneliness
Can only become more and more lonely
Sexual intercourse without love can only fill the gap between two people for a moment.
All ways of achieving union between people through indulgence have three characteristics:
These methods are strong, even violent
It requires the whole body and mind to be involved
Need to be repeated
The effects of indulgence last only a short time
Whether it is the method for people in the past or modern people to overcome loneliness
Integration with other people is achieved through consistency in the same group of people, through consistency in the habits, styles and opinions of the same group of people
In today's Western world, joining the same group of people is still the most common way to overcome loneliness. Participants lose most of their individuality in order to make themselves belong to this group.
People always want to achieve union with others in some way. Most people are not aware of this requirement in themselves. Most people think that they are people with personality in the form of personal wishes, and they are formed through brain thinking. Views. My views are consistent with those of most people. It’s just that they are consistent.
The remaining personality of oneself is satisfied through trivial things
Embroider your initials on your suitcase or sweater
Hang your own name tag on the glass window
Join a political party or a student union
The growing tendency to eliminate differences is closely linked to the concepts and practices of equality developed in advanced industrial societies
The concept of equality in religion means that we are all sons of God and human beings. It also means that we respect the differences between people. Although we are one body, each of us is a complete body that only exists once. self-contained universe
In the Western Enlightenment, equality was the condition for developing individuality
Kant
People should never be a tool to achieve other people's goals. People themselves are a goal, not a tool for others.
equality in capitalist society
Equality of the dehumanized
The pattern of people who do the same work, seek the same enjoyment, read the same newspapers, and have the same thoughts and feelings
equality between men and women
Because the difference between men and women disappeared, the philosophical argument of the Enlightenment that the soul is gender-neutral was widely used, the two poles of gender disappeared, and the sexual love based on these two poles also disappeared.
Men and women are identical, not equal as opposite poles
Modern society advocates the ideal of non-individualized equality
This society needs human atoms
These people are indistinguishable from each other and obey the same orders. However, everyone is sure that they are doing what they want.
Through identification, the process of combining people is neither strong nor violent, but proceeds very calmly according to a rigid formula.
Because of this, it is often not enough to alleviate the fear of loneliness
The current epidemic of alcoholism, drug abuse, and suicide in Western society shows that this approach has limited effectiveness.
This method often only requires the participant to use his brain instead of his body, which has weaknesses compared with the method of indulgence.
Advantages: durable, not impulsive
People are introduced into a pattern when they reach three or four years old, and they will never lose contact with this group of people from now on.
Another factor of modern life
Cycle use for work and recovery fatigue
As a member of the labor force and management, people are just numbers. They do not need any subjective initiative. Their tasks are assigned by the labor organization.
There is also almost no difference between leaders and led, because they are all performing tasks prescribed by the entire organizational structure, not only at the prescribed speed, but also in the prescribed way.
The entertainment methods are also very similar.
The books to be read are prescribed by the book club
The movies you watch are chosen by movie theater owners and the ads they pay to print.
Driving and hiking on weekends, watching TV, playing cards, etc.
How can a person in such a net not forget that he is a person, a person who exists only once, a person who has only one chance to survive, a person who can experience hopes, disappointments, worries and fears, a person who longs for love and suffers from nothingness and loneliness? What about the person who threatened?
The third possibility of achieving unity and harmony
creative labor
artist
craftsman
creative labor, the creator's agreement with his matter
The worker and the object become one, and people become consistent with the world in the process of creation.
It only applies to labor that you plan, perform and see results. The modern work of assembly line operations does not have the characteristics of labor. Workers become part of the machine or bureaucratic organization. In addition to adapting to society, workers have no possibility of reaching agreement with society. sex
The truly comprehensive answer to the question of human existence is the unity of man in love
The unity achieved through creative labor is not the unity between people.
Unity achieved through indulgence is temporary
The unity achieved by identifying with the same group of people and adapting to this group of people is false unity.
Requiring the realization of the union between people is the strongest pursuit in the human heart.
The most basic requirements of human beings
If it is not realized, it will be crazy.
destroy yourself
destroy others
The power of humanity, family, tribe and society coming together
Problems with calling the union between people “love”
There are many ways to connect between people
What kind of union is love?
Mature answers to the questions of human existence
This kind of
Become one with others while retaining your own independence and integrity, that is, retaining your own personality.
Human love is a positive force that can break down the walls between people and unite them
Love can free people from loneliness and isolation, while at the same time allowing people to remain loyal to themselves, maintain their integrity and original appearance
In love, there is a strange phenomenon where two lives merge into one, but still remain two bodies.
The union of symbiotic organisms
Biological model of symbiotic organismal union
The relationship between the pregnant mother and the embryo
Both two bodies and one body
need each other
The fetus needs everything from the mother
The mother gains a kind of sublimation due to the existence of the fetus
Physiological symbiotic organismal union
bodies are independent of each other
psychological interdependence
The negative form of symbiotic organismal union is obedience
masochism
Free yourself from loneliness and isolation by becoming part of his guide, revealer, and protector.
The protector is his life
Protecting and dominating everything, you are nothing but a part of the protection, so that you can share the greatness, power and safety of the protector
The sadist never makes any decisions or takes any risks. He is never alone, but he is never independent.
Not a complete person, it can be said that there was no birth
The worship of the abused person for his protection goes beyond religious worship of idols
This type of worship can be confused with physical and sexual demands.
The obedience of the masochist is not only a product of imagination, but also a physiological need related to the whole body
Surrender to fate, illness, rhythmic music, or to the extreme excitement caused by drugs and hypnotic states
lost one's integrity
To make oneself the instrument of a person or thing, thus freeing oneself from the need to make independent and free answers to the questions of survival.
subtopic
An active form of symbiotic organism bonding is the control of another individual
abuser
Escape from loneliness by making another person a part of himself, swallow up his admirers, and thereby make himself a hundred times more valuable
An abuser cannot live without his admirers
Neither side can lose the other
The abuser and the abused
From a practical point of view, there is a big difference between the two, but in a deeper sense, the difference between them is not more important than what they have in common.
the difference
The sadist orders, uses, harms and bullies the other person, and the other person is happy to be manipulated by him
common ground
In the process of union both parties lose their independence and integrity
A person will have sadistic and masochistic reactions depending on the object
hitler
Being a sadist towards others
to his fate, history, and the "power" of nature as a masochist's reaction
active activities
two meanings
People’s behavior of changing existing conditions through labor
What all activities have in common is to achieve an external purpose
generate positive roots
may be negative
Feeling restless or lonely and working feverishly
To get promoted and get rich
driven by external forces
Use the power contained within people, regardless of whether to achieve external changes or not
Spinoza
mood
positive
Under the control of positive emotions, he is free and the master of emotions
negative
A person who is driven by external forces and has motives that he or she does not understand.
Virtue and self-control are the same thing
Jealousy, ambition and every form of greed are passions and fanaticism
Love is an action, the use of human power. This power can only be exerted in freedom, and it will never be the product of coercion.
Love is a positive emotion not a negative emotion
Love is about giving first, not getting
The meaning of "give"
Very popular misconception
This is how people whose personalities have not progressed beyond the stages of acceptance, exploitation, or greed understand it.
To give means to give up, to be taken away by others or to make sacrifices
mercantilist
Giving is a kind of exchange, giving without getting anything is cheating for him
unproductive person
The feeling of having something taken away by someone else
This type of person refuses to give things to others
Giving is a virtue of self-sacrifice
Rather suffer losses than experience happiness
Creative people’s understanding of “giving”
Giving is the highest expression of strength
Experience my power, my "abundance", my "vitality"
Experience the joy brought by the sublimation of vitality
Expressing my vitality through "giving"
In the context of the material world, giving means wealth. It is not the people who own wealth that are rich, but the people who give things to others.
subtopic
What can one person give to others?
The most precious thing is to give his life to others
It does not necessarily mean that a person sacrifices his life, but that he gives the most vital thing in his heart to others.
something alive
joy
interest
understanding
Knowledge
humor
sad
share with others
Enriching others while improving one’s own sense of life and the sense of life of others
Don’t give just to get. By giving, you awaken something vital in the other person.
Let the other person be a giving person
Both parties will be filled with happiness because they have awakened a certain vitality in their hearts.
"Give" means "get"
This is true in love
The teacher learns from his students
Actor inspired by audience
Psychoanalysts cure themselves by curing others
The person giving should not regard the other person as the object of his help, but establish a real and creative close connection with the other person.
Without vitality, there is no ability to create love.
The ability to love as an act of giving depends on one's character development
Conditions for obtaining this ability
People must have a dominant productive tendency
People with this attitude overcome their dependence, narcissism, and need to exploit others and find trust in their own human strengths and the courage to achieve their goals
Lacking these characteristics, people are afraid to give of themselves, that is, to love
In addition to the element of giving, the enthusiasm of love also has other basic elements.
care
Responsibility
respect
learn
Love is an active concern for life and the growth of what we love
Love and labor are inseparable. People love the fruits of their labor and work for what they love.
love elements
Give
care
Responsibility
People now understand responsibility as an obligation, something imposed from the outside
Responsibility is a completely conscious action, a response to another life's expressed or unexpressed wishes.
respect
Without respect, responsibility can easily become controlling and enslaving others.
Respecting the other person does not mean fearing the other person. Respect means having the ability to look at the other person realistically and recognize his or her unique personality.
Respect means working hard to enable the other person to grow and develop themselves
I want a person I love to grow and develop in his own way and for himself, not to serve me
To love someone, I should feel one with them and accept them as they are, rather than asking them to be what I want them to be so that I can use them as an object.
Only when I achieve independence and go my own way without external aid, that is, do I not want to control or exploit others. In this case, respecting the other party becomes possible. Only on the basis of freedom can there be
learn
Only when you know each other and understand each other can you respect each other
Not based on understanding, care and responsibility are blind
If you don't understand the other person from a caring perspective, this understanding is useless.
Understanding one element of love
Go deep into things instead of settling for half-knowledge
See others through their eyes and put your own interests second.
Another basic relationship with love
Desire to be united with another person to escape the confinement of one's own loneliness
closely connected with another fully human desire
man's secret
Life in its purely biological perspective is a miracle and a secret
Within the scope of human beings, everyone has an unanswerable secret to themselves and others.
Care, responsibility, respect and understanding are interdependent
See the epitome of these attitudes in mature people
A mature person is someone who can creatively develop his or her own strengths
Mature people just want to own the fruits of their own labor, give up the narcissistic fantasy of gaining power and omniscience, and have a humble attitude
secret of life
We cannot truly understand ourselves and others. The deeper we go into the depths of our lives and the depths of another person's life, the further away we are from the goal of understanding life.
Two possibilities for understanding the secret of life
I have all the power to control the other person. With this power, I can control him as I want, let him feel and think according to my will, turn him into something, become my thing, my property.
Extreme practices of sadists
love
Actively explore the other party’s performance
The requirement to know the secret is satisfied by bonding
In the process of union, I got to know each other, myself, and everyone, but I still "knew nothing"
The understanding of life is not through the transmission of thoughts, but the combination of people
Abusers are created to learn secrets but gain nothing
My life is quickly disintegrating piece by piece, which can only destroy this life.
Answer the questions I asked in the process of union. In love, in devotion, in deepening each other, I found myself, myself, both of us, and each other.
Knowing yourself
Get to know the complete person and his innermost secrets
Ordinary knowledge, knowledge conducted by thought, cannot satisfy this desire
It is impossible for us to fully understand ourselves and others
The only way to fully understand people is through ideological understanding, that is, psychological knowledge is a condition for achieving comprehensive understanding through love.
We must understand each other and ourselves objectively so that we can see the other person's reality or overcome the illusion and the distorted image of him in the imagination.
Only by knowing a person objectively can we understand his true nature in love
It is impossible for us to understand the secrets of man and the universe with intelligence, but we can grasp it through love
Love is to overcome human loneliness and realize the union between people. It also has biological requirements: the union of feminine and masculine.
Gender differences force people to find a special way of union, that is, the union of the same sex and the opposite sex
Every man and woman has hormones from the opposite sex
Only in the combination of yin and yang can both parties find inner unity.
Yin and Yang are the basis of every creative endeavor
The two poles of yin and yang are the basis of productivity between people
Purely psychological perspective
In love, both men and women gain new life
The variation of homosexual love is caused by the inability to achieve the union of two poles, so homosexual love will never be free from the torture of loneliness.
Homosexuals and heterosexuals who cannot love cannot achieve a bipolar union.
The principle of yin and yang exists in nature and not only in plants and animals, but also in the opposition of two fundamental functions
Those who seek love will be sought by those they love
The beacon of love that illuminates this heart will also illuminate that heart
Freud's mistake
Love is the expression or sublimation of sexual instinct. It does not realize that sexual requirements are a manifestation of people's desire for love and union with others.
The sexual instinct is the result of a pressure caused by chemical reactions in the body. This pressure causes discomfort and must be released. The purpose of sexual desire is to relieve this torturous pressure.
According to this theory, the most ideal sexual satisfaction may be masturbation, which is sexual self-satisfaction.
Freud did not see the psychology of sex, the polarity of yin and yang, and the requirement to eliminate the opposition between these two polarities through union. The reason why he made such a mistake is related to his extreme patriarchal thoughts.
Sexual attraction between the two sexes is only partly motivated by pressure relief; the main motivation is the desire of both sexes to be united with the other sex.
The attraction of sex is not only reflected in the attraction between the two sexes
The nature and role of sexual desire are both masculine and feminine
positive characteristics
penetration
guide
positive
Disciplined
good at taking risks
negative characteristics
accept
Protect
Be realistic
endure
motherhood
Everyone has both positive and negative characteristics, but the emphasis is different
love between parents and children
I am loved because I have the capital to be loved
I am loved for who I am.
The experience of maternal love is a negative experience
I don't have to do anything to win my mother's love, because maternal love is unconditional, I just need to be my mother's child
This kind of love does not require hard work, and it cannot be won at all
different love
innocent, childish love
I love because I am loved
mature love
I am loved because I love people
Immature, childish love
i love you because i need you
mature love
I need you because I love you
The difference between fatherly love and motherly love
The essence of maternal love is unconditional
It is a child and the deepest love for each of us. The love gained through hard work often makes people doubtful.
Maybe I didn't bring happiness to the person who was supposed to love me
I am loved because I make others happy. I am not loved but needed.
Mother is our hometown and nature. Father does not embody any natural resource
The father represents the other extreme of human existence: the world of ideas, the world of things like law, order and discipline created by man.
A father is the one who educates his children and shows them the way to the world
Closely related to the role of the father is another role related to socio-economic development
With the emergence of private ownership and the phenomenon of one son inheriting property, fathers were particularly interested in the person who inherited his property.
The father chooses the person he thinks is most suitable as his successor
Father's love is conditional
The principle of fatherly love: I love you because you meet my requirements and because you fulfill your duties
fatherly love
positive side
Father's love is conditional, I can win this love through my own efforts
negative side
Father's love must be earned through hard work. If you fail to live up to your father's expectations, you will lose your father's love.
Babies need their mother's unconditional love and care, both physically and mentally. At about six years old, children need their father's authority and guidance.
The mother's role is to give her children a sense of security in life
A good mother will not prevent her child from growing or encourage her child to seek help.
Don’t pass on fear and anxiety to your children
Want children to be independent and eventually break away from themselves
The father's task is to guide his child to face the difficulties he will encounter in the future
Fathers should not be aggressive and overbearing
The father should make the child more and more confident in his own strength and ability, so that the child can become his own master and be able to break away from the authority of the father.
A mature person has both the conscience of his mother and the conscience of his father
mother's conscience
No sin of yours, no sin of yours, will make you lose my love and my blessings for your life and your happiness.
father's conscience
If you do something wrong, you must bear the consequences so that you can get my love
Mature people detach themselves from the external image of mother and father, but build these two images internally
Contrary to Freud's "superego" theory
Freud believed that people create two images by merging father and mother.
A mature person builds his mother's conscience on his own ability to love, and builds his father's conscience on his own reason and judgment.
Only develop the conscience of the father
harsh and inhumane
Only develop mother's conscience
The danger of losing self-judgment and hindering the development of oneself and others
A person goes from a close connection with his mother to a close connection with his father and then to synthesis. This is the basis for the human soul to reach health and maturity.
A boy has a very loving, but pampering and doting mother, and a father who is weak or not interested in the child.
The child will firmly grasp the connection with the mother and develop into a person who is very dependent on the mother.
often isolated
need to be protected
It is impossible to acquire some of the characteristics of the father
discipline
independence
The ability to control life
Trying to find the image of "mother" in everyone
If the mother is cold, insensitive or very authoritarian, the child will transfer the need for maternal love to the father and develop in the direction of the father.
Only obey the principles of law, order and authority
Inability to wish for or receive unconditional love
In some forms of neurosis, such as obsessive-compulsive neurosis, the patient has a single connection with his father; in other cases, hysteria, alcoholism, inability to face reality and misanthropy are caused by a single connection with the mother.
love object
Love is not a relationship with a special person, but an attitude, a tendency of character
This attitude determines a person's relationship with the world as a whole, not with the only "object" of love.
Loving only his object and being indifferent to others is a symbiotic organismic connection or a higher level of selfishness
The idea that love is about everyone, not just one person, does not mean that there are no differences in the objects of love among different forms of love.
fraternity
All forms of love are based on fraternity
Fraternity means having a sense of responsibility for all people, caring for, respecting and understanding others
Love for everyone, no independence
Fraternity Basics
Recognize that all people are equal
My love begins only when I love people who have nothing to do with my personal interests
In the process of feeling sympathy for those in need, man begins to develop his philanthropy
Like sex, it is a relationship between equals
maternal love
is a relationship between two unequal people
One needs help, the other gives it
The true nature of a mother is to care about her children’s growth
It is difficult to facilitate the separation of mother and child (allowing the child to grow and develop independently)
The difference between sex
maternal love
Two people who used to be one are separated
sex
Two people who have been hitherto separated come together
It has always been regarded as the highest form of love and the most sacred emotional connection.
sex
Fraternity is love between equals
Motherly love is love for those in need
common ground
Their love does not belong to one person
Sexual love requires a complete and complete realization of oneness, a complete integration of oneself and another.
Specific, not all-inclusive
Different from "falling in love"
Strangers become intimates, there are no obstacles to overcome, no effort to achieve true understanding
Both sides know equally little about each other
superficial
As time goes by, you will find that you don’t understand the other person very well.
They believe that intimacy between people is first achieved through sexual union. The gap between them and other people is a physical gap, so physical union means a gap between people for them.
Other ways to overcome barriers
Tell about your life
Narrate your hopes and fears
Talk about your childish or immature dreams
Find common interests facing the world
express one's anger and hatred
Heart to heart without any scruples
are seen as expressions of intimate relationships
Features
Will gradually disappear over time
People seek love from another person, another stranger. This stranger will become a "close" person, and then gradually disappear, and the cycle repeats. They imagine that the new love will be completely different from the previous one.
The deception of sexual demands intensifies this fantasy
sexual demands
Purpose
aiming to achieve union
Not just a physical requirement and a way to relieve tortured stress
intensify this demand
fear of loneliness
possessiveness and desire to be possessed
vanity
man's destructiveness
love
Most people will come to confusing conclusions
If two people are willing to possess each other's body, they love each other.
Although sexual attraction can create the illusion of union between the two in an instant, without love, what remains after their union is only a sense of strangeness, and they are still a pair of strangers.
Either they feel ashamed or they hate each other
I feel the strangeness left after the hallucination disappears more strongly than before.
Tenderness is neither the sublimation of sexual instinct as Freud said, but a direct expression of fraternity, that is, it is expressed in the physiological form of love, and it is also expressed in the non-physiological form of love.
Sex has an exclusivity that neither fraternity nor maternal love possesses
Often misinterpreted as a relationship of mutual possession
A man and woman who love each other but have no feelings for anyone else,
a common selfishness
Equating oneself with the one one loves, overcoming the isolation between people by dividing one person into two people
They separated themselves from their contemporaries
They are also isolated and unfamiliar
Union is an illusion to them
Sex is exclusive, but at the same time it is also about loving one person and then loving all mankind and all life.
Sex excludes others only in the sense of sexual union, not in a deeper sense of fraternity
Sex between two people who really love each other has a prerequisite
I love the other person from the essence of my life and experience the essence of the other person’s life
The essence of human beings is the same. In fact, love is the same for everyone. Fundamentally, love is an act of will, a decision made by a person to surrender his entire life to the other person.
The view that marriage is indissoluble and the ideological basis of traditional marriage forms
In the traditional form of marriage, spouses are not selected by themselves, but are selected by others. Imagine the saying "get married first, fall in love later"
The modern Western world considers this view to be completely wrong
The modern western world thinks
Love is a spontaneous emotional reaction in which people are suddenly controlled by an irresistible feeling
Love is just a feeling, and the promise of lifelong love has no basis. A feeling is easy to arise and may disappear quickly. If my love is just a feeling, how can I be sure that we will stay in love forever?
Love is just an act of will, an act of devotion. Who you love has no role in principle. Regardless of whether the marriage is arranged or decided by yourself - once concluded, will should be able to guarantee the continued existence of love.
This view fails to see the contradictory nature of human nature and the contradictory nature of sexual love.
Each of us is one, exists only once, and life cannot be repeated. From this meaning, we can love everyone from the perspective of fraternity.
subtopic
Sex requires a specific, unique, and entirely personal component
two views
Sex is all about attraction between two people, a unique connection between two special people.
Sex is an act of will
Both are correct, and neither is correct
self love
People take loving others as a matter of course, but loving themselves is unacceptable. They think it is impossible to love others as much as they love themselves, so self-love is self-interest.
Freud
Self-love is narcissism, using libido on oneself
Love is the manifestation of sexual desire. Libido is either used as love on others or on oneself as self-love. Loving others and loving oneself are mutually exclusive.
True love is an expression of inner creativity
Love is not an impulsive emotion, but an active pursuit of the development and happiness of the loved one. The basis of this pursuit is the person's ability to love.
The very fact of loving another person is a concrete expression of the power of love
Loving one's own family but not loving others is a sign of lack of ability to love.
Love of humanity is a prerequisite for love of a particular person, although love of humanity, from its origin, develops through love of particular persons.
Selfish
They are only interested in themselves, and everything is for their own use. They do not experience the pleasure of "giving" and only want to "get". They are only interested in the things around them if they can profit from them.
Self-interested people only have eyes for themselves. They always judge everyone and everything according to whether they are beneficial to themselves. In principle, they have no ability to love.
A lack of love and care for oneself indicates a lack of vitality within the person and can make him feel empty and disappointed
When necessary, he will make up for his lost happiness through other satisfactions
They seem to care about themselves very much, but in fact they are just trying to cover up and supplement their lack of love ability through caring for themselves.
Self-interested people have no ability to love others, nor the ability to love themselves
Selfless
A sign of neurosis
Generally not affected by this sign, but affected by other symptoms related to this sign
World-weary
weak
lose the ability to work
Can't deal with love issues well
No ability to love, no ability to make oneself happy, full of hostility to life, hiding a strong selfishness that often one is not aware of
Selfless people want nothing but live for "others" and are moved and proud because they don't value themselves.
The nature of selflessness is reflected in its impact on other people
Common manifestations of "selflessness"
The influence of a "selfless" mother on her children. The mother believes that through her "selfless" children can realize what it is to be loved, know and learn what love is - the effect is often against her wishes, and the child is worried about being blamed by the mother and tries every means please mother
divine love
The reason why we pursue love is because we experience the gap between people and want to eliminate this gap through the union between people.
Love for God is the same as love for people
Most of them are also similar in form
God embodies the highest value, embodies the highest goodness and beauty
The special meaning of God depends on what man considers to be the best and most beautiful.
Man's maturity determines the nature of his gods and the form of his love for the gods
Life has no other "meaning" except the meaning given by people.
concept of god
The product of a certain historical period, this concept expresses man's experience of his own highest power and his efforts to pursue truth and unity at a specific historical stage.
The ultimate goal of religion is not correct belief but correct action
In the dominant Western religions, love for God basically means belief in God, belief in God’s existence, belief in God’s justice and God’s love. Love of God is basically an ideological experience.
The love of God in Eastern religions and Western mysticism is a strong emotional experience of unity and love, which is inseparable from every expression of love for God in life.
There is a very important congruence between love for parents and love for God
At first, the child feels that the mother is "the foundation of all existence and is closely connected to it." He feels that he is weak and helpless and needs all-encompassing maternal love. Then the child loves his father and regards his father as the new center of his preference. The father becomes the criterion for his thoughts and actions. In the full maturity stage, the child is liberated from the protective and power images of the mother and father, and establishes the principles of father and mother in himself. He becomes his own father and mother.
In human history, love for God initially relied entirely on the connection with the Mother Goddess, then developed into unconditional obedience to a God like a father, and finally developed into a mature stage. At this stage, God is no longer independent from humans. power, man himself embodies the principles of love and justice and becomes one with God, who only speaks of God in a poetic and symbolic sense.
If a man cannot transcend his ties to mother, tribe, and nation, and remains dependent on a father who punishes or appreciates him, or on the authority of others, he cannot develop a mature love for God; his faith is only It may be a form of belief in God in the early stages of religion. The God he experiences is either a mother who can protect him, or a father who distinguishes rewards and punishments.
The essence of love for God is consistent with the essence of love for people
This essence is concealed and rationalized by increasingly advanced theories of love
Although love for people is directly expressed in the connection with the family, it is ultimately given to you by the social structure in which people live.
Chapter 3 Love and its Decline in Contemporary Western Society
If love is an ability of those with creative and mature personalities
The ability of every person living in a given society to love depends on the influence of that society on that person's character
Do the social structures of Western civilization promote the development of love?
negative
Anyone who objectively observes Western life will say without hesitation that love (fraternity, maternal love, sexual love) is rare in Western society, and many fake forms of love have taken their place. The forms of fake love are actually love. form of decline
Two aspects of Western capitalist society
on the principle of political freedom
Based on the principle that the market regulates all economic activities and also regulates all social relations
The goods market determines the conditions for the exchange of goods, and the labor market regulates the sale and purchase of labor.
Useful things and useful people's energy and skills become value
Capital rules labor force. Inanimate objects are worth more than labor force, human talents and all living objects. Possession is higher than existence.
The result of capitalist development is the continuous concentration of capital
Large enterprises continue to expand, and small enterprises are increasingly squeezed out
Big business
Capital ownership is increasingly separated from the management of capital
Large share holders are the “owners” of the company
Businesses are managed by the management bureaucracy
The salary is high, but the company does not belong to them
Interested in making large profits and keen on expanding the business
To expand the power in your hands
union
so that workers do not have to be alone in the labor market
Grand guilds are also run by powerful bureaucracies
In the field of labor, individual initiative is replaced by the bureaucracy. Individuals lose their independence and become dependent on the bureaucracy of a huge economic empire.
Special forms of labor organization
One of the characteristics of modern capitalism
Highly centralized enterprises with strict division of labor lead to a new kind of labor organization
The individual loses his individuality and becomes a replaceable part of the machine at any time
Personal Problems in Modern Capitalism
Modern capitalism requires large numbers of people who can work together in coordination
Consumption is getting higher and higher
Standardized taste, easy to control and predictable
Capitalism needs people
On the one hand, you can feel that you are free and independent and believe that you will not submit to any authority, principles or conscience.
On the other hand, they are ready to execute orders, complete tasks assigned by others, enter the social machine obediently, obey others' orders in a disciplined manner, voluntarily obey leaders, and blindly accept orders.
Exception: They work hard, always make a difference and strive for advancement
Result
Modern people have become alienated from themselves, their contemporaries, and nature. They have become commodities. Their vitality is actually a capital, which brings them the greatest profits than capital.
The relationship between people is essentially a relationship between strangers and automatic machines. The basis of security is to find ways to get closer to a group of people and to be consistent with this group of people in thoughts, feelings and actions.
Although everyone strives to be close to others, in reality they are all alone, full of insecurity, fear and guilt.
If the gap between people cannot be overcome, this feeling will continue to appear
Our civilization provides various possibilities so that people do not feel this loneliness
Repeating the same mechanical work every day
This order makes them no longer consciously feel the basic requirement of human beings to pursue transcendence and unity.
Enjoyment
Reduce this unrealized despair through music, pictures and the constant purchase of new items provided by the entertainment industry
Modern people really want to be like what Huxler described in the book "Brave New World"
He was well-nourished, well-dressed, and his sexual desires were satisfied, but he had no ego and had only superficial contact with his contemporaries.
The hymn of "Today there is wine, now we are drunk" or "Today, everyone is happy"
Happiness for modern people is enjoyment
Meet the requirements of consumption and assimilation of the same group of people
Consumer goods, pictures, food, drinks, cigarettes, people, magazines, books, movies, etc.
Our personalities struggle to adapt to the demands of exchange, receiving, and consuming
Everything (material and spiritual things) has become an object of exchange and consumption
Love also conforms to the social character of modern people. Automatic machines cannot love. They can only exchange "a package of characteristics" in order to make a good deal.
In this alienated structure, people's basic requirement in love is the idea of "partnership", which is particularly prominent in marriage.
A frictionless partnership is regarded as the ideal union
Same standards as staff who promote social requirements
The employee must be "correspondingly independent", a good collaborator, tolerant and at the same time enterprising and have high demands in life
The husband understands and appreciates his wife
A wife is considerate and reasonable to her husband
There is no friction in the relationship between two people, but these two people will never understand each other throughout their lives and will never reach a "central relationship". Instead, they treat each other as respectful guests and just try their best to make each other comfortable.
Such concepts of love and marriage actually emphasize protecting oneself from unbearable loneliness.
Having found a safe haven in "love", the two formed an alliance against the whole world, but regarded the selfishness of the two as love and trust.
Emphasizing the spirit of companionship and mutual tolerance is a relatively new development
A love formula that worked in the days after World War I
Mutual sexual satisfaction is the basis of a satisfying love relationship and a happy marriage
It is believed that many unhappy marriages are caused by the couple's inability to "cooperate" in sex life. The root cause is the lack of correct attitude towards sex life and failure to master the skills of sex life.
Many books provide advice and instructions on various correct sexual attitudes
Basic idea: Love is the product of sexual life satisfaction. If a man and a woman learn to satisfy each other sexually, they will fall in love.
Just like the popular fantasy in society: the right technology can not only solve industrial production problems, but also solve human problems
contrary to the correct conclusion
Love is not the result of sexual satisfaction, but sexual happiness. Even mastering the so-called sexual skills is also the result of love.
Love can lead to sexual satisfaction, not sexual satisfaction can lead to love
It is Freud's view that love is the product of sexual satisfaction between men and women.
Sexual frigidity in women, various severe or less severe forms of psychological impotence in men
The problem is not a lack of skill, but the timidity of these men and women that makes them incapable of loving
Fear and hatred of the opposite sex are the cause of these difficulties, which prevent them from dedicating themselves and acting spontaneously, making them physically unable to tolerate the approach of the opposite sex.
Freud's view on "love is the product of sexual satisfaction between man and woman"
Partly influenced by the zeitgeist of the nineteenth century
His ideas were spread in the spirit of Diah in the first few years after World War I.
Influenced Freud's thought and popularized his views
major factor
The reaction against strict ethics in the late nineteenth century
Factors that determined Freud's theory
The dominant anthropological thought at that time was based on the structure of capitalism. In order to prove that capitalism meets the natural requirements of human beings, it must be proved that man is by his nature a competitor and the enemy of others.
economist
People have an unquenchable desire to pursue profits
Darwinist
The biological principle of law of the jungle
Freud
Men are driven by the desire to possess all women, but social pressure forces them to restrain themselves.
According to Freud: All men are jealous of each other. Even if all the social and economic reasons for this jealousy disappear, this jealousy and this competition will still exist.
Influenced by the dominant materialism of the nineteenth century
It is believed that the basis of all mental phenomena can be found in the physiological imagination
Freud believed
Love, jealousy, ambition and hatred are products of the sexual instinct in all its forms
All instincts and desires, if unreservedly satisfied, will result in mental health and happiness.
Clinical experience shows that those men and women who have been fully satisfied with their sexual life throughout their lives do not feel happy because of it, and often even suffer from mental conflicts and symptoms. Satisfaction of all instinctive wishes is not only not the basis of happiness, but also It cannot guarantee the minimum mental health of a person.
Freud didn't see
The basic reality is the living conditions of human beings, first the general situation that is the same for all people, and then the life practices caused by the special structure of society.
Marx's "historical materialism"
The key to understanding people
Not the body, instinct, demanding food and possession
The key is the entire life process of a person
Freud's ideas became widely popular after World War I because there were some changes in the spiritual life of capitalism at that time.
The focus has shifted from frugality to consumption
A shift from economic success through frugality to a view of consumption as the basis for ever-expanding markets and as the primary satisfaction of the automated, fearful
Two "normal" forms of the decline of love in Western society
love as a product of sexual satisfaction
Love as a refuge for companionship and protection from loneliness
Socially Determined and Caused Pathology of Love
There are many forms of personalization, but the end result is conscious suffering
Basic conditions for psychopathic love
One or both of the "loving" parties cling firmly to the image of the father or mother, and transfer the feelings, expectations and fears they previously had toward the father or mother onto the "beloved" as adults.
These people have not transcended childhood and are still looking for childhood connections as adults.
The emotional life of these people always remains at the stage of two, five or twelve years old, but their intelligence and social abilities are consistent with their actual age.
In severe cases, this emotional immaturity can destroy social life.
When it is not serious, this conflict is limited to the scope of personal intimacy.
pathological love relationship
During the development process, men always remain in contact with their mothers. They always feel that they are children and need their mother's protection, maternal love, warmth, care and appreciation. They need unconditional love.
When these people try to win a woman's love, they are selfless, amiable, and personable. If they succeed, they remain that way, but their relationship with the woman is superficial and irresponsible. Their goal is to be loved, and Not loving myself
This kind of person has a strong sense of vanity and lofty ambitions that are not fully exposed.
When they find a suitable wife, they are confident, feel they have the upper hand in the world, and are amiable and gentle to others.
Once his wife no longer meets his imagination, conflicts and friction will arise. If his wife is not consistently appreciative and protective, and is not prepared to forgive his affair, he will feel greatly hurt and disappointed.
These people confuse their polite manners and their desire to please others with true love and conclude that they are being treated unfairly
It is rare that a mother-centered man can live a normal life
His mother "loved him" in a sublimated way (perhaps authoritarian, but not destructive)
His wife is of the same type as his mother, and if his special talents enable him to exert his charm and win the admiration of others (as is the case with some politicians)
From a social perspective, he is "well integrated" into society, even if he never reaches a more mature level.
His love sublimation will be a huge disappointment. Once this kind of person feels that he has been abandoned by the world, conflicts will arise. In many cases, he will have intense fear and world-weariness.
In severe forms of pathological love, the patient has a deeper connection with his mother and is less rational.
The problem is not that the patient wants to return to the loving arms of the mother or the nurturing breast, but to the embrace of the cue ball that accepts everything (and destroys everything).
If the essence of mental health is to leave the mother's womb and enter the world, then the essence of severe mental illness is to be attracted to the mother's body and to return to the mother's body - that is, to have life taken away
These men cannot love other women except for some superficial relationships that insult women. They cannot be free and independent, but can only always be a disabled person or a criminal.
The destructive and appropriative side of the mother is the bad side of the mother image
Mother can not only give life, but also take away life
related to father
A man with a cold and introverted mother, but a father who devoted all his love and interest to his children.
He is a good father but also very bossy.
If you are satisfied with your son's behavior, praise him and give him a gift
If you are dissatisfied with your son, you will step aside or curse him.
The child has nothing but his father's love
a slave way of being tied to the father
The main goal in life is to please his father
If you do this, you will feel happy, safe and satisfied
If you make mistakes, do wrong things, and cannot please your father, you will feel empty, unloved, or spurned.
This kind of person looks for a father figure with whom he can relate in the same way, and his life always rises and falls based on whether he receives his father's praise or not.
In society, such people often achieve great success. They are serious, trustworthy and hard-working.
The prerequisite is that the father figure they choose is good at treating them correctly
Their relationship with women is cautious and distant. Women have no central meaning to them. They generally treat women with a bit of contempt. This contempt is often covered up by the way they treat women like a father treating a little girl.
In the beginning, with their masculine characteristics, they will leave some impression on women. Once married to these men, they will find that they only play a secondary role in their husband's life (the father figure is the main role), and they will become more and more disappointed
exception
The woman who marries them is also a father-centered type, so she will be happy with a man who treats her like a willful child.
More complex pathological love relationships
appear on the person
Parents don’t love each other, but they are good at controlling themselves
Neither arguing nor showing dissatisfaction
The relationship between parents and children is also very unnatural.
The child only feels the "behaved" atmosphere at home and does not have much contact with his parents. The girl only has emotions of confusion and fear in her heart, and does not know the feelings and thoughts of her parents. There is always an element of unknowability and emptiness in the family atmosphere. , the girl will retreat into her own little world, and this attitude will remain in her later love life.
This kind of avoidance is also caused by the growing fear and the feeling of being groundless in this world, which will eventually lead to the tendency of masochism. This is the only opportunity to experience powerful stimulation.
Such women often prefer their husbands to quarrel with them instead of getting along with them normally and rationally, so that they can temporarily lose their feelings of tension and fear. They often unconsciously anger their husbands in order to end the tormenting emptiness.
One of the forms of fake love
Often referred to as "great love" (often appearing in novels and movies) - idolized love
People who have not achieved a sense of self tend to "divine" the people they love and project their power onto the people they love. The people they love are regarded as the source of all love, light and blessings and are received by them. worship. In this process, people lose awareness of their own power.
In the long run, no one can meet the wishes of the admirer, and disappointment will inevitably occur, and the way to solve this problem is to find a new idol-sometimes a vicious cycle will occur.
Characteristics of idolized love
The intensity and suddenness of love experiences
It is often regarded as true love, but it is precisely this intensity and suddenness that expresses the hunger and loneliness of the lover.
sentimental love
The essence of this kind of love is that it can only exist in imagination and not in a real union with another person.
Manifestations
the most widespread
Use substitutes to satisfy yourself
love movie
romance novel
love songs
Through the consumption of these things, all unrealized yearnings for love, human union and closeness are satisfied.
another
move the present to the past
A couple can be deeply moved by reminiscing about past love even though they did not feel the love at the time
It’s exactly the same as dreaming about future love
Fantasy future
Engaged or newlyweds are still dreaming about future love, even though they have begun to find each other boring
Modern people either live in the past or in the future, but not the present
回忆童年和母亲
为未来制定伟大的计划
When I see the happy and sad couple on the screen, I will be immersed in the scene and be moved to tears.
For many couples, the silver screen is their only possibility to experience love
Even two people will become the audience of other people's love stories together
As long as love is a daydream, they can get in on it, but if love is a real relationship between two real people - they freeze.
Whether it is to experience love by participating in other people's non-real love experiences, or to avoid the reality of love by moving the present to the past or future, these abstract and alienated forms of love are designed to alleviate reality, human loneliness and isolation from the world. the pain of isolation
a set of projection practices
Projective practices can lead to avoidance of one's own problems, thereby focusing on the faults and shortcomings of the "beloved"
Very responsive to other people's minor mistakes, but indifferent to one's own problems and weaknesses
Always thinking about how to accuse the other party and educate the other party
If both men and women are keen on doing this, the love relationship between them will become a mutual projection
By treating your own problems as the other person's problems, blaming the other person, and depending on your character, either asking him to correct or punishing him, and the other person behaves the same way as me - both people can avoid their own problems, and therefore cannot make themselves further develop
projected onto children
Reflected on the desire to have children
Some people have children because they want to reflect their own survival problems onto their children
When a person feels unable to give meaning to his own life, he will try to find meaning in the lives of his children.
Causing failure to yourself and your children
reason
Everyone's survival problems can only be solved by themselves, not through an agent
People with this kind of plan often lack the necessary ability to guide their children to solve their own survival problems
Children are often used as projection targets to ease tensions between parents
Theory often used by parents: Parents are reluctant to divorce so that their children will not go to a shared home
In fact, the tense and unhappy atmosphere that prevails in such a "common home" is often more damaging to the child than an open break, which at least indicates a person's ability to make a courageous decision. End an intolerable situation
It is false that love means the absence of conflict, it is an illusion and that conflict is destructive
Most people's "conflicts" are actually disagreements over trivial matters that by their nature cannot be clarified or resolved.
Real conflict is never destructive
Being able to get clarification will bring about a kind of purification, so that both parties can become more knowledgeable and stronger.
Love can only occur between two people who can jump out of the circle of their existence and join each other, and at the same time each of them can experience themselves out of their own ego.
Having a "central experience" is human reality, life, and the foundation of love.
Love is a constant challenge, not a safe haven, but a joint effort, growth and labor
When two people can start from the essence of life and experience being one with each other through conscious agreement instead of escaping from themselves, then even things like harmony, conflict, joy and sorrow can only take a back seat.
There is only one proof for the existence of love
That's the depth of the connection and the vitality and vitality of each loved one
The only fruit of love we can see
There are many people in our society who are timid, have no principles, no trust, and no goals other than survival.
They are still children and expect to be saved by their parents when they need help
In religious culture, they regard God as their father and mother who help them. They treat God very seriously, and living according to God's will is their goal in life.
Today, daily life is completely separated from all religious values
The purpose of life is simply to seek material comfort and success in the labor market
The principles underlying our activities in the world are indifference and selfishness (the latter is called "individualism" or personal "agency")
People living in a religious culture think of an eight-year-old child. On the one hand, he sees his father as his savior, and on the other hand, he begins to accept his father's teachings and principles into his own life.
Modern people think that a three-year-old child will only be greeted by his parents when he needs them, and he will be very happy when he can play alone.
Religious status reflects the new characteristics of contemporary Western capitalist society
The concept of God lost its original religious meaning and became able to adapt to the requirements of an alienated culture centered on success.
The ongoing religious "renewal" in the contemporary era is to turn belief in God into a psychological means to arm people to better compete.
Carnegie's "Character Wins Friends and Influences Others" dealt entirely with issues within the secular realm, but was replaced by "The Power of Positive Thinking" written by Rev. En-Foreign Pilot.
The question of whether the striving for success that dominates our society is consistent with the spirit of monotheistic religious beliefs is not raised in this religious book.
Treat God as your business partner rather than becoming one with Him in love, justice and truth
Chapter 4 The Practice of Love
Love is a personal experience that each person can only experience by himself and for himself
subtopic
Practical Problems of Love
Only prerequisites for practice can be discussed
first steps in practice
The purpose can only be achieved by each person himself
prerequisites
have discipline
Not the discipline required to practice an art (consistently practicing for several hours a day)
It's a lifelong discipline
concentrated
Anyone who has tried to master an art knows this
Our culture has resulted in a decentralized, decentralized, and unprecedented way of life
Do several things at the same time
The lack of concentrated imagination is manifested in the fact that it is difficult for us to sit quietly alone without talking, smoking, reading or drinking.
patience
People who want to get results as quickly as possible will never learn an art
Industrial systems require everything to be fast
Economic reasons
Modern man thinks that if he cannot deal with things quickly, he will lose time, but he does not know how to use the time he gains.
have great interest
To become a master rather than an amateur
People never learn an art directly from the beginning, but learn it indirectly
One must learn many other things, seemingly unrelated to this art, before one begins to learn this art
A carpenter first learns to plan wood
Learn piano first, learn scales
Treat yourself as a tool and maintain an attitude appropriate to the tasks that need to be accomplished
train
How to train discipline
Get up on time every morning and do certain activities on time, such as meditating, reading, listening to music, and walking. Do not do or limit your time to do distracting activities, such as watching detective novels and movies.
focus
Do not regard discipline as something imposed from the outside, but as a manifestation of self-will. You should feel a sense of pleasure and gradually become accustomed to an attitude towards life. Once you give up it, you will be thoughtful.
The west
Discipline must make people uncomfortable or uncomfortable, and it is only useful if it achieves this effect
East
Things that are good for the body and mind are bound to make people feel comfortable, even if they have to overcome some resistance at first.
training concentration
The entire culture of Western society is about "distraction" and against cultivating the ability to concentrate.
Important steps
Learn to stay alone without reading, listening to the radio, smoking or drinking
Everyone who tries to do this becomes restless and even scared over time, giving themselves excuses to give up.
When you are alone, all kinds of thoughts will pop up (thinking about the difficulties at work, where to go tonight, etc.)
avoid
Sit relaxedly, don’t be lazy or nervous, and eliminate all disturbing images and thoughts.
Try to observe your breathing, don't think about it, don't affect her, just be aware of your breathing
Twenty minutes every morning and evening, can be extended
Try to get a feeling of "self"
I = My Self My Center of Power My Creator of the World
Learn to concentrate on everything
listen to music
read a book
conversation
Appreciate pictures
Concentrate on what you do, it doesn't matter what you do
No matter what you do, important or unimportant, it will increase the practical significance, because the person doing it is completely relaxed
Try to avoid meaningless conversations
The conversation between two people about what they have experienced together is important
Conversations about politics or religion can be pointless
The interlocutor just talked about the same old things, without any personal experience, just exchanging opinions.
Avoid boring conversations and avoid associating with unscrupulous people
Avoid destructive and vicious people
Depressing and depressing
lifeless person
A person whose thoughts and conversations are without content
Not a conversation but a chat.
They don’t know how to think and can only bring out a set of worldly opinions.
Relationships with others first mean the ability to listen to others
Most people think they are listening to others and giving them advice. In fact, they are not listening at all and answer the other person indifferently.
The result is often fatigue
Concentration means living completely in the present moment, rather than rushing to think about this thing and that thing
People who love each other should first practice concentration
They must learn to be close to each other and open to each other instead of avoiding each other as is often the case
Learn to focus
need patience
There is a process for learning everything, and you should put pressure on yourself
stay awake to yourself
Be aware of your own inner activities instead of using various methods to find excuses to defend yourself
When you feel tired or depressed, you should not let it go, but ask yourself: What is going on? Why can't I get up?
Ask yourself the same question when you are angry or confused, or when you start to have wild thoughts.
Most people have a certain degree of alertness to their inner activities; they can feel every change and even find pain that is almost imperceptible.
The standard by which most people measure whether their inner activities are normal is their parents and relatives, or the social groups they join. As long as they are indistinguishable from this standard, they consider themselves "normal" and have no interest in observing people who are different from them. attitude towards life
Teachers not only impart knowledge, but also cultivate students with certain human qualities
Special conditions are necessary to master the art of love
Overcome narcissism
Narcissism is an attitude of people, and the reality they experience is only their inner activities, mainly their own greed and fear
The phenomena of the external world are unrealistic. Only things that are beneficial or threatening to them are meaningful.
The opposite of narcissism
objectivity
Have an open attitude towards people and things, and be able to look at things realistically
Realism that can penetrate from the surface to the core of phenomena
Objectivity does not mean having no connection with the external world, but having a strong connection
All forms of psychosis are extreme forms without objectivity
The external world is only a symbol of his inner world and his creation
Dreams and psychosis are just extreme examples of lack of objectivity
Objectivity is the exception, varying degrees of narcissism the rule
Each of us has an image of the world that is distorted by our own narcissistic tendencies
The patient called the doctor to see a doctor in the afternoon. The doctor said he was not free in the afternoon. The patient said: But I live only 5 minutes away from you. The patient started from the perspective of narcissism, because he saved time, and all the doctors also saved time. Time, for the patient, "I" is the only reality
non-obvious example
Parents first care about whether their children are obedient and whether they make them happy, rather than what and how their children have experienced.
Husbands who think their wives are bossy are actually interpreting a request from their wives as a restriction on their "freedom" due to their childish connection with their mothers.
Wives who think their husbands are incompetent or weak are actually simply because they don't fit into their childhood imagination of the shining knight.
The ability to think objectively is reason, and the emotion based on reason is humility. Only when we get rid of the illusion of omniscience and omnipotence in childhood can we have objectivity and use our own reason.
The practical expression of the art of love
Whether one can learn to love depends on one's narcissism and the ability to continuously cultivate one's humility, objectivity and reason.
Humility and objectivity, like love, cannot be limited to certain areas of life
If I don’t have an objective attitude towards strangers, then I won’t be truly objective towards my family members. And vice versa.
Want to learn the art of love
Strive to be objective in every situation and be able to notice when I am not trying to be objective and stay aware of it
Trying to recognize the difference between my narcissistically distorted image of a person and who that person really is, which is independent of my interests, difficulties, and fears.
Objectivity and reason are key conditions for learning the art of loving
Be objective and rational with everyone you come into contact with
We can only remain objective with the people we love, but cannot remain objective with other people. In the end, we can neither handle the relationship with the people we love well nor the relationships with other people.
The ability to love depends on our own maturity and the development of creative tendencies in our relationships with the world and ourselves.
The process of detachment from oneself, the process of birth and maturation requires a quality - faith
Love is based on faith
Belief
irrational beliefs
Submission to an irrational authority (belief in a person or idea)
Submission to a great power regarded as omniscient and all-powerful, and devaluation of one's own strength and abilities, contrary to reasonable belief
reasonable belief
a firm belief rooted in one's own thoughts or emotional experiences
It is not a belief in something, but a confirmation. This confirmation is in line with a firm belief based on one's own real experience.
Belief is a character trait of the entire personality, rather than something related to some ideological content that is regarded as right
Believe that one's assumptions are a reasonable and worthy goal, and believe in the reasoning or theories derived, even if they have not been generally recognized. This belief is based on one's own experience, one's own thoughts, observations and judgments Based on firm belief
Unreasonable belief in authority or the opinion of the majority
Reasonable faith is an independent belief in one's own creative observations and thinking - even though most people think otherwise
Thinking and judging are not the only aspects of experiencing legitimate beliefs that a person can experience
Belief requires courage, the ability to accept risks and the preparation for pain and disappointment.
Cultivate faith and courage
Start with the little things in life
Recognize when and where faith has been lost
To see through the excuses used to justify the loss of faith and to recognize where one has been timid and made excuses
Every self-deception only weakens you, and growing weaker leads to new self-deceptions.
Faith is an indispensable characteristic of true friendship or love
Believing in a person means understanding the reliability and stability of the person's basic attitude, understanding the person's core or his love
Not that he won't change his views, but his basic motivations remain the same
Believe in yourself, be aware of your existence, and be aware of the core of our personality. The core of doctrine is immutable. Our opinions and feelings will change, but the core will always exist.
The belief in self-will is based on this core
If we don’t believe in ourselves, we will become attached to others, and the opinions of others will become the basis for us to experience our identity.
In terms of love, believing in one's own love, believing that this love can arouse the love of others, and believing in the reliability of this love should be regarded as the basic conditions of love.
The other side of trusting others is trusting their development
Those who are consciously afraid of being loved by others are actually a reflection of unconscious fear of loving others.
Love is an activity of faith. People with less faith will love less.
active activities
It doesn’t mean you have to do something, but it refers to people’s inner enthusiasm and the creative use of their own strength.
If I'm lazy and not in a constant state of openness and awareness, I can't have a positive attitude toward the people I love.
basic conditions of love
Neither you nor others feel bored
Being awake, alert and open to the activities of thinking, feeling, seeing and hearing is an indispensable condition for learning the art of loving, which requires creativity
The ability to love can only be acquired through creativity and a positive attitude in many other aspects of life
Ziah, people who are not motivated in other aspects of life are also not motivated in love.
Love is not limited to the personal realm
Love appears in our relationships with family and friends, and it must also appear in our relationships with people related to our work and career.
There is no division of labor between love for family and love for strangers. On the contrary, love for strangers is the prerequisite for love for family.
principle of justice
It is the highest standard of capitalist morality and the special contribution of capitalist society in ethics and morality.
Personally, I believe that capitalism cannot bring justice, it only appears to be justice, but is actually exploitation in disguise.
subtopic
subtopic
The morality of justice has nothing to do with Jewish Christian charity
fraternity
love others, agree with others
impartial morality
separate yourself from others
Respect the rights of others but not love them
To understand love, first distinguish the difference between justice and love
If our entire social and economic organization were based on each person's concern for his own interests, governed by egoism, and limited only by just moral constraints, we would not be able to survive within the scope of the existing social system and Cultivate love
means we have to give up all interest in profit and live in extreme poverty
Some people think that love and secular life cannot be reconciled, and that only martyrs or madmen can love in today's world.
Just a way of defending one's own cynicism and lack of ability to love
Love does not mean losing justice
The idea that love is incompatible with normal life is true only in an abstract sense
Some people may need to give up their lives or jobs to cultivate love, but some people don't need to
A salesman who sells useless goods cannot sell anything if he does not lie, but he does not need to lie if he is selling something useful.
In a capitalist society, because many forms of labor do not allow people to have an attitude of love, and a society where production and consumption are the highest standards, only those who are not willing to join in can make effective resistance.
Today's society is increasingly controlled by the industrial bureaucracy and professional politicians, and people are swayed by popular influence
Their goal is to produce and consume as much as possible, and all activities are subordinate to economic goals. They turn people into objects and machines. They are well-nourished and well-dressed, but they lack real understanding of the development of their own humanity and the tasks they undertake. and deep concern
People with the ability to love must regard human development as the highest goal of society, and economic machines only serve people.
Enable people to share their labor experience rather than participate in profit making
Man's gregariousness and loving nature are not separated from his social existence, but are united with it
People are no longer alienated from their own power production, and they no longer experience their own power by worshiping new idols—the country, production, and consumption.
When the comprehensive development of individuals becomes the condition for the comprehensive development of all people, love will become an important social attitude
Love is the only satisfactory answer to the problems of human existence
Love is not preaching. Love is the deepest requirement that exists in everyone's essence. This requirement has always been suppressed, but it does not exist.
The love of erich fromm's life ——Recalling Fromm’s life
Does Fromm want to treat love as introduced in the book?
Show interest in all those you talk to, and have a warm, unblinking gaze
The questions Fromm asked me were questions that I should have asked myself but did not.
These questions may make me feel embarrassed or ashamed
These questions will force me to face facts that will require changes in my life
These questions may not have answers, but they must be asked and must be endured
The questions Fromm raises are questions that I avoid, reject, or ignore.
Features of Conversing with Fromm
direct and close
Reason: He conveys his attention and interest in the interlocutor to the other person and asks questions on the other person's behalf
The person he is asking does not see his questions as harmful.
The person being asked will feel completely exposed, but never feel betrayed, condemned or hurt by him
No matter how pointed his gaze and questions were, they were always well-intentioned
show his pursuit of knowledge
Through the questions he raises, you can understand yourself better and feel that you are understood by others.
The impact of the way Fromm's parents loved Fromm on Fromm's own ability to love
Fromm's ability to love is not innate
The way parents give love can enhance or undermine their own ability to love
Fromm is the only son in the family. His father is timid by nature and is keen on the life of a small family. Because of his inferiority complex after his career, he hopes that Fromm can become a Talmudic scholar (an ancestral family business).
The father's love for Fromm was a mixture of tenderness, anxiety and contradiction.
The mother has a say in the family. She has said throughout her life that for her only child (Fromm), maternal love is proactive and she also holds on to her son. The mother hopes that he will become an artist or scientist.
The ability of young people to love is influenced by the way parents love in general, but it is not just the parents who determine the development of the ability to love.
Having different love experiences with different members of the opposite sex, and finding new and different love experiences can also lead to similar patterns in parental relationships, depending on how deeply your parents' love hinders your own development.
One must experience a series of failed love relationships until one no longer subconsciously looks for patterns of dependence on parental love in one's partner
People must get rid of looking for the shadow of their parents in their partners
The process of breaking away from parental love is simultaneously fraught with the painful experience of abandonment and loss.
Fromm's escape from parental love
fatherly love
He saw the shadow of his father in a synagogue's Rabbi Nahemi Nobel. Fromm originally wanted to become a Jewish theologian, but he didn't want to be too far away from his parents and chose to study law in his hometown. After two years of study, he finally stepped out. He left Frankfurt in one step and studied sociology. Jewish theologians helped him embrace his father's religion. There was also Freud's psychological analysis. He ate pork in violation of Jewish rules. George Grimm's books on Buddhism helped him give up on only Belief in a God and turn to criticism of Buddhism and religion
Detaching yourself from your father's love that hinders you can have a positive effect on your creativity and ability to love.
Fromm was able to carry out his social psychological analysis freely
maternal love
The escape from maternal love lasted for a long time
In 1922 his fiancée left him and got together with Leo Lowenda, a friend of his youth.
In 1923 he met the psychologist Ferita Reichmann, who was 11 years older than him.
From 1924 to 1928, the two opened a therapeutic clinic in Heidelberg.
Married in 1936, but their marriage came to an end in 1928
In 1931, Fromm contracted tuberculosis, and a mutual friend suggested that Fromm leave Felita.
In 1934, when Fromm recovered enough to travel, he fled to the United States and developed a relationship with his friend Karen Horney, a psychoanalyst who was 15 years older than him. Not married, but Karen always accompanied Fromm when he went there. Karen was very competitive, and the two never completely got rid of their competitive relationship.
The love affair with Karen lasted until 1941, and ended with a fierce quarrel.
Some time after breaking up with Karen, Fromm met Heini Kurland, who was the same age as him. The two got married in 1944 and built a new house in 1947, but soon Heini suffered from a disease. Due to the strange illness, Fromm canceled all work to take care of Heini. In 1950, the two came to Mexico. It is said that the climate here can alleviate Heini's pain.
Haynie's illness ruined Fromm's plan to teach and give academic reports in the United States. He could not take her away, and he could not leave her alone. Fromm was willing to take care of him for the rest of his life. Despite this, her pain did not As a result, Heini died in the bathroom in 192
Haynie's death forced Fromm to accept his own limitations and his own failure.
A few months later, Fromm regained the courage to enter into a new relationship with the same American woman who taught Arnis Freeman.
The two got married in 1953, went to Mexico, and built a big house. They lived in this house from 1953 to 1973, and lived with him in the United States for a few months every year.
"The Art of Loving" was published in 1956. Fromm found the ability to love through his helplessness in sending away Heine and his love for Arnis. This kind of love can completely break away from childhood ties.
Fromm believes that the core problem of human beings is not to satisfy their own sexual desires, but rather the relationship between human beings and reality.
On a psychological level, the key to a person's success is the way in which a person connects with other people, himself and the surrounding environment.
Brain and infant research proves that people can connect with their surroundings in a positive way from the moment they are born, rather than the narcissism mentioned by Freud. People can develop this positive relationship and make it Relationships become a growing inner independence from the fat self and unfamiliar forces
If this basic tendency becomes a creative direction in a person's life, then the person can think, love, feel, imagine and act independently and from his own ideals
The creative love of early relevant figures (such as parents) can promote the formation of a basic tendency to be creative, but the form of parental love that is narcissistic, cautious, possessive, demeaning, and makes people dependent is It will hinder the formation of this basic tendency and even cause the opposite result.
Destructive tendencies and the wish to destroy others can develop only after the basic tendencies of creative love and rationality have been thwarted by stimulation.
Summarize
Love is an art, requiring people to master this knowledge and make efforts
Most people think that love is just a pleasant feeling that happens by chance and only the lucky ones fall in love.
wrong idea
reason
Most people think that love is a question of whether they can be loved by others, rather than whether they have the ability to love.
Think that the problem of love is a problem of object, not a problem of ability
Not understanding the difference between "falling in love" and "lasting love"
Master the art of love
master theory
master practice
Value becoming a master above all else
elements of love
Overcoming his loneliness and escaping the confinement of loneliness
Only true love is possible
Basic elements of true love
"Give" rather than "get", giving is the highest expression of power
Experience my strength, abundance, vitality by giving
care
Responsibility
respect
learn
mature love
The principles of innocent, childlike love
I love because I am loved
mature love principles
I am loved because I love people
childish love
i love you because i need you
mature love
I need you because I love you
love between parents and children
Mother's love is a blessing, you don't have to earn it or work hard for it
The flaws of maternal love
Can be exchanged without effort
There is no way to win maternal love
The Essence of Fatherly Love
Obedience is the greatest morality, disobedience is the greatest sin
The positive side of fatherly love
Father's love is conditional and can be earned through hard work
Father's love can be subject to my control and efforts
A mature person is both his own father and his own mother
Develop mother’s conscience and also develop father’s conscience
mother's conscience
No sin of yours, no sin of yours, will make you lose my love and my blessings for your life and your happiness.
father's conscience
If you make a mistake, you will have to bear the consequences. The most important thing is that you must change yourself so that you can get my love.
Mature people separate themselves from the external image of their parents and build these two images in their hearts.
self love
It’s not selfish love, self-love is the foundation of loving others
Affirmation of one's own life, happiness, growth, and freedom is based on the ability to love
Those who do not love their own names and only love others are incapable of love
sex
an important factor
factor of will
Loving someone is not just a strong feeling, it is a decision, a judgment, a promise
If love is just a feeling, how can we be sure to love it forever?
Fromm's main theories
On the human condition
The logical starting point of the entire idea
Biological weakness of man
The more evolved an animal is, the less perfect its instinctive automatic adjustment of turning its back is.
People are most incompetent when they are born
Human babies are most dependent on their parents
Human instinctive adaptability is not enough for people to survive, so they must find new ways, forming civilization
The contradiction of human existence
Human weakness in the biological sense enables humans to transcend the instinctive state of animals and transcend nature. This transcendence in turn puts humans into dilemmas. These dilemmas are rooted in humans themselves. Fromm calls them the contradictions of human existence.
The contradiction between individualization and loneliness
The process of people transcending nature and instinct is the process of developing self-awareness, rationality and imagination, which increases people's independence and sense of power. This is individuation.
The contradiction between life and death
People can realize that death is the inevitable end of life, and their attachment to life and fear of death torture them.
historical contradictions
Existential contradictions are rooted in human existence itself and cannot be resolved
The contradiction of human existence is the deeper situation of human beings
The historical contradiction is that it cannot be solved at the time of production but can also be solved at a later stage in history.
On human needs
In addition to physiological needs, basic human needs all originate from the human situation.
Human basic needs are people’s response to the contradictory situations of existence.
need for association
Love and Narcissism: To escape loneliness, people need to connect with others
Love is a healthy emotion that gradually develops with age
People who do not have this kind of emotion always treat the external world according to their own supervisor's assumptions rather than according to the reality itself. Like babies, they only regard others as tools to satisfy themselves.
need to transcend
create or destroy
People are thrown into this world involuntarily, and people are thrown out of this world involuntarily.
It is the same as other living things, but people can realize this and are not willing to settle for the passive state of living things.
As a living creature, human beings also want to transcend the passive state of living beings.
It drives people to create. If the desire to create is not realized, they turn to destruction.
The need to find roots
Motherly love and incest
Human growth means breaking away from nature and mother's swaddling clothes. It is terrible to lose the foundation. Only by finding a new foundation can we feel safe.
Individuals often establish their foundation through attachment to their mother and her symbols (family, clan, nation, country, church, etc.)
Being overly attached to the mother and her symbols will constrain the development of personality and rationality and lead to incest and mental illness.
need for empathy
independence and compliance
People form self-awareness in the process of breaking away from the "original bondage" of nature and mother
A healthy person can realize his uniqueness and maintain his independence
Some people only identify with their nation, religion, class, peers, etc., pursue consistency or conformity, and lose their self-independence.
The need for orientation and dedication
Rationality and irrationality
People need to set a goal for themselves and devote themselves to it, so as to give their existence a meaning.
The goals determined by someone are realistic and meaningful
Some people believe in some kind of divine revelation or the superiority of their own race, and thus pursue some "holy" irrational goals.
social character theory
The above needs are the need for establishing connections with nature, others, and self formed by people under the dilemma of existence.
Human character and subconscious are formed on the basis of these basic human needs
concept of character
Two relationships between man and the world
relationship between people and things
People acquire objects, that is, assimilation
relationships between people
People need to connect themselves with others and socialize themselves
Character is a relatively stable way of directing human energy toward the process of assimilation and socialization.
Not libido
It is a need based on people’s situation.
personality type
Personality is composed of a series of personality traits
Some personality traits have common tendencies, which Fromm calls personality orientations
There may be several personality orientations in the personality structure, and the personality is divided according to the dominant personality orientation.
Orientation in the assimilation process
Is the orientation through the process creative?
non-creative sexual orientation
People with a receptive orientation are especially willing to passively receive what they need.
An exploitative person uses force or cunning to get what he or she needs
People with a hoarding orientation gain security through hoarding and frugality
People with a market orientation are good at adapting to changes in the labor market.
creative sexual orientation
Concerned with the realization of human potential
Creative love is about becoming one with others while maintaining the integrity and independence of the self
basic requirements
care
responsibility
respect
understand
Orientation in the socialization process and its connection with orientation in the assimilation process
People will form different personality orientations in the process of socialization
masochist
Sadist
destructive
Mechanically adapt automatically
One-to-one correspondence with the four non-creative sexual orientations
A healthy character can live spontaneously in love and work
masochist
By succumbing to others or some powerful external force and becoming a part of this force, you can escape the helpless situation and at the same time get what you need from it.
Sadist
Realize your own power by making others submit and suffer, while also getting what you need from the dominated others.
destructive
Afraid that the hoarding of the world he created will be violated, so he actively and irrationally eliminates and destroys objects.
These three tendencies often appear in the form of rationalizations such as love, responsibility, conscience, and patriotism.
Mechanically adapt automatically
Give up individuality and automatically align with others based on market effects
The personality of real people is often a mixture of various orientations, but one orientation dominates.
Mixed non-creative sexual orientations most common
A mixture of acceptance and exploitation
People who combine these two orientations can't help but flatter people in front of people with more power, and can't help but show off in front of people with less power.
A character that bullies the weak and fears the strong is called authoritarian character or authoritarian character
Fall syndrome and growth syndrome
Two personality types proposed by studying human personality from a pathological perspective
fall syndrome
necrophilia, narcissism, and symbiosis—the combination of three tendencies: incest fixation
necrophiliac
Attracted to all inanimate things, obsessed with decayed things, keen on violence or destruction, fond of mechanical and rigid things, obsessed with the past and afraid of the future
The extreme form of the mixture of necrophilia, narcissism, and incest is depravity syndrome
Their groups launch rapid wars on a large scale
growth syndrome
Love of life or a combination of three tendencies: love of life, love of people, and independence
Bisexual person
Attracted by life and the growth process of life, creative and fond of new things
The way of survival that emphasizes possession and the way of existence that emphasizes existence
To re-possess is to focus on the object of possession
Re-existence focuses on the existence of life itself and takes the realization of human potential (love and rationality) as the purpose of survival.
The concept of possession and existence further stipulates human personality types from the perspective of values.
Fromm's major works
"Escape from Freedom"
"For One's Own" or "The Search for Self"
"Psychoanalysis and Religion"
"The Human Heart—His Good and Evil Nature"
"The Language of the Past"
"Sane Society" or "The Struggle of Reason"
"Sound Society"
"The Art of Love"
"Freud's Task—An Analysis of His Personality and Influence"
"Psychoanalysis and Zen"
"Will Humanity Take Advantage?"
"Marx on Man"
"Beyond the Chains of Fantasy—Marx and Freud as I Understand"
"Analysis of Christian Doctrine"
"Socialist Humanism"
"Live Like God"
"Revolution of Hope—Technology Towards Humanity"
"Human Nature"
"The Crisis of Psychoanalysis"
"The Social Character of a Mexican Village—A Psychosocial Analysis Study"
"The Anatomy of Human Destruction"
"To Have or To Live"
"The Greatness and Limitations of Freud's Thought"
"On Disobedience"
"The Art of Survival"
"The Art of Listening"
"The Survivor"