Adler, Freud and Jung are known as the "Three Giants of Psychology"

If you blindly focus on the causes of the past and try to explain things solely by causes, you will fall into "determinism", that is, you will eventually come to the conclusion that our present and even the future are all determined by the past. , and cannot be changed at all

Adlerian psychology considers not the "causes" of the past, but the "purpose" of the present

It's not that your friend can't go out because he's uneasy. It's just the opposite. I think he creates uneasiness because he doesn't want to go out.

Adlerian psychology explicitly denies psychological trauma

It is not our past experiences that determine us, but the meaning we give to our experiences.

You are not "being angry and getting angry", you are "creating anger for the sake of being angry"

You still scolded him loudly. You felt that it was too troublesome to reason with him, so you wanted to use a faster way to make the other party who did not resist surrender. As a corresponding measure, you adopted the emotion of "anger"

The so-called anger is actually just a "means" that can be released or recovered.

The question is not "what happened" but "how to interpret"?

The first step to change is to understand

The answer should not be obtained from others, but should be found out for oneself

You cannot experience happiness now because you do not love yourself. And, in order to be able to love yourself, you want to “become someone else”

When faced with the question of whether they like themselves or not, few people can answer “yes” calmly.

What matters is not what is given, but how to use what is given

You chose "unfortunateness" at a certain stage in your life. This is neither because you were born in an unfortunate environment nor because you fell into an unfortunate situation, but because you think "unfortunate" is a "good" for yourself (think it is good for yourself)

Lifestyle: character, worldview or outlook on life

If the lifestyle is not given innately, but is the result of your own choices, then you can make a new choice by yourself

The reason why you can't change is because you have made up your mind not to change. Even if people are dissatisfied, they still think it is easier and more reassuring to maintain the status quo.

If you live in assumptions like "what if", you won't be able to change at all.

You should do it - this simple topic is before you, but you constantly come up with various "reasons why you can't do it." Don't you think this is a very painful way of life?

Why do you hate yourself? Why do we only focus on our shortcomings and refuse to like ourselves? That's because you're too afraid of being disliked by others and afraid of being hurt in relationships.

Admitting it is a great attitude. Please don’t forget that it is impossible not to get hurt in interpersonal relationships. As long as you get involved in interpersonal relationships, you will be hurt in large or small ways, and you will also hurt others.

The reason why you feel lonely is not because you are alone. You feel lonely when you feel alienated from others, society and the community around you. We also need the presence of others if we want to experience loneliness.

People's troubles all originate from interpersonal relationships. "Internal troubles" do not exist at all. There will be other people's factors in any trouble.

The inferiority complex that troubles us is not an "objective fact" but a "subjective explanation"

Everyone has an inferiority complex

Inferiority complex refers to the state of using one's inferiority complex as some kind of excuse (because one has A, one cannot do B)

For people who “can’t do B because of A”, their implication is “As long as I don’t have A, I will be a capable and valuable person.” They act as if they are excellent, and then they are immersed in a false sense of self. in a sense of superiority

People who use the power of power to improve themselves are ultimately living in the values ​​and lives of others.

Boasting misfortune: A pattern of achieving an abnormal sense of superiority by intensifying feelings of inferiority.

They want to use misfortune to show that they are "special", and they want to use their misfortune to suppress others.

Use your own misfortune as a weapon to dominate the other party

Pursue superiority: keep moving forward, rather than being superior to others

Don’t compete with anyone, just keep moving forward

When a person wants to be himself, competition will inevitably become an obstacle

If there is "competition" in interpersonal relationships, it is impossible for people to get rid of the troubles caused by interpersonal relationships, and it is impossible to get rid of misfortunes

Unconsciously see other people and even the entire world as "the enemy"

"I cannot sincerely bless others who are living a happy life." That is because I consider interpersonal relationships from a competitive perspective and regard other people's happiness as "my failure", so I cannot give blessings.

You will think that everyone is ready to fool, ridicule, attack or even frame you at any time, you must not take it lightly, and the world is a scary place. In order not to become a loser, you must always win and cannot trust others.

Anger expressed out of personal anger is nothing more than a tool to bring others into submission.

If I am insulted by someone in person, I will consider the hidden "purpose" of that person. It is not just direct insult in person. When I am angered by the other person's words and deeds, I must also recognize that the other person is provoking a "power struggle". ”, wanting to prove his strength by winning

The hidden purpose of problem children - revenge on parents

Even though they are temporarily defeated, the opponent will be planning revenge in other places and in other forms, waiting for revenge.

Once a relationship develops into the revenge stage, it is almost impossible to reconcile the parties involved.

Does the so-called controlling anger mean "patience"? No, we should learn how not to use anger, because anger is ultimately a means and tool to achieve a goal.

The very idea of ​​"patience" shows that you are still stuck in the power struggle, but that you have no reaction to the other party's behavior.

It’s not that you can’t be angry, but that “there is no need to rely on anger as a tool.”

Irritable people do not have an impatient temper, but do not understand effective communication tools other than anger. They are actually using anger to communicate.

No matter how right you think you are, don't use it as a reason to blame the other person. This is an interpersonal trap that many people easily fall into.

Admitting mistakes, apologizing, and withdrawing from power struggles are not "failures."

There is distance and depth in relationships

Many people think that the more friends the better, but is this really the case? The number of friends or acquaintances has no value, it is the distance and depth of the relationship that we should consider

Attempting to create various excuses to avoid life issues is called "life lies"

There is no need to be recognized by others, and there is no need to seek recognition.

People seek approval from others, in many cases it is because of the influence of reward and punishment education

Please remember that if you "don't live to meet other people's expectations," then others "don't live to meet your expectations." Don't get angry when other people's behavior is not in line with your own ideas. This is also a matter of course.

We must separate our own issues from other people's issues from the perspective of "Whose issue is this?"

Don’t interfere in other people’s issues

Identify whose task it is: Who will ultimately bear the consequences of a certain choice?

Sometimes parents' behavior is obviously to satisfy their own goals - face and vanity or the desire for dominance, that is, not "for you" but "for me". Just because they are aware of this deception, Only children will resist

Don't point fingers when others don't ask you for help.

Basically, all interpersonal conflicts are caused by interference in other people's issues or interference in one's own issues.

The act of trust also requires subject separation. Trusting others is your subject, but how to treat your trust is the other party's subject.

You care too much about other people’s views and evaluations, so you constantly seek approval from others.

If you want to get approval from your boss, the first thing you should think of is probably "work", right? But work is not about pleasing your colleagues in the company; your boss hates you, and hates you for no reason. If this is the case, there is no need for you to take the initiative to cater to him.

Because he was unwilling to accept his incompetence, he created an incompetent boss.

Subject separation is not the ultimate goal of interpersonal relationships, but the gateway

If you are too close when reading, you will not be able to see anything. Similarly, if you want to build good interpersonal relationships, you need to keep a certain distance.

Even if it is not what you expect - you must repay it. In fact, this does not mean living up to your good intentions, but just being bound by the thought of repayment. No matter what the other party does, it is you who decides how you should do it.

Children who do not learn to face difficulties will eventually want to avoid all difficulties

It will be easier to live according to other people's expectations, because that is entrusting your life to others, such as walking on the track paved by your parents. Although there may be various dissatisfaction here, as long as you are still walking on the track, you will not get lost. However, if you have to decide your own path, you may get lost, and you may even face the problem of "how to survive?"

It is true that there is no hope of annoying people, but please think about it this way: What do you need to do in order not to be disliked by anyone? There is only one answer, and that is to always look at other people's faces and swear to be loyal to anyone.

We promise to "do it" even if we can't do it, and we will take on all the responsibilities that we can't bear. Of course, this kind of lie will be exposed soon, and then you will lose credibility and make your life even more painful. Naturally, the pressure to continue lying is beyond imagination.

Separating projects is not self-centered. On the contrary, interfering with other people's projects is self-centered.

Adults who have chosen an unfree lifestyle will criticize young people who are living freely today for their "hedonism". Of course, this is actually a lie fabricated in order to allow themselves to accept an unfree life.

Living to meet other people's expectations and entrusting your life to others is a way of life that lies to yourself and to those around you.

If you want freedom, you have to pay a price, and in relationships, the price of freedom is being disliked.

I care more about how I am doing than how others see me.

It is an extremely wrong idea to regard changing oneself as a means of manipulating others.

A sense of community is the most important indicator of happy relationships

The smallest unit of society: me and you; as long as two people exist, society will be created

It is precisely because you don’t want others to think you are not good that you care about other people’s eyes. This is not a concern for others, but an attachment to yourself.

Living in fear of relationship breakdown is an unfree lifestyle of living for others.

Praising this kind of behavior contains the characteristics of "evaluation made by capable people on incompetent people"

The purpose of praising others is to "manipulate others who are less capable than themselves", and there is neither gratitude nor respect.

The only difference between praising or criticizing others is "using sugar or using a whip", and the purpose behind them is manipulation.

The most important thing is not to "judge" others

When people hear words of thanks, they will know that they can contribute something to others.

Please do not use the "behavior" standard but use the "existence" standard to view others.

If you establish a vertical relationship with someone, you will unconsciously grasp all interpersonal relationships from the "vertical" perspective. There is often only one choice between vertical and horizontal relationships.

Self-affirmation means saying "I can do it" or "I'm strong" even though you clearly can't do it. It can also be said to be an idea that can easily lead to a superiority complex and a way of life that lies to oneself.

Self-acceptance means that if you can't do it, honestly accept this "you can't do it" and then try your best to work in the direction of what you can do without lying to yourself.

There is no need to affirm yourself particularly actively, it is not self-affirmation but self-acceptance

Contribution by others is not about giving up “I” and serving others. Rather, it is a means to realize the value of “I” (it does not emphasize self-sacrifice).

There is a passage in Jewish teachings: If there are 10 people, one of them will definitely criticize you no matter what happens. He hates you and you don't like him. Moreover, 2 out of 10 people will become good friends with whom you accept everything. The remaining 7 people are neither

Workaholics only focus on specific aspects of life

"All troubles are troubles in interpersonal relationships." In other words, our happiness is also in interpersonal relationships.

For people, the greatest misfortune is not liking themselves

Whether you wish to be particularly good or wish to be particularly bad, the purpose is the same - to attract the attention of others, to break away from the "ordinary" state and become a "special existence"

Children caught up in problem behavior can gain attention from others without making this healthy effort, what Adlerian psychology calls a "cheap pursuit of superiority" - revenge

Being ordinary does not mean being incompetent. There is no need for us to show off our superiority.

Adults who don't understand this always want to force young people to live a "line" life. In their view, going to a good university, entering a good company, and having a stable family. Such a track is a happy life, but life cannot be a line

Our life is just a continuation of dots. A planned life is not about whether it is necessary, but simply impossible.

Life is a series of moments

Every moment on the way to the destination is a journey. This is real life.

Life is a continuous moment, there is no past or future at all. What happened in the past has nothing to do with your "here and now", and what will happen in the future is not a question to consider in your "here and now"

Life is very simple, not something profound. If you live every moment seriously, there is no need to make it too profound.

The biggest lie in life is not living in the "now"

What is the meaning of life? There is no universal meaning of life

If you think you "wanted to understand 10 years ago", it is precisely because Adler's thoughts have influenced "you now". No one knows how you would have felt 10 years ago