What does my current behavior reveal about my motivations?

What do I want to do for myself, others, and relationships?

What should I do for my true purpose?

Identify what I don’t want to achieve

Let the other person feel that you are working in the same direction during the conversation

When people don’t feel respected in a conversation, the discussion ends and is replaced by defensiveness out of self-respect.

A loss of respect in a conversation is often caused by the perception that the other person is different from us, a completely different person. All we need is not to make excuses for ourselves, but to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and try to understand them.

Apologize

Comparison method to eliminate misunderstandings

Create a common purpose

Pay attention to your own behavior

What emotions caused me to behave this way?

the thought that gave rise to this emotion

What is the basis for this idea?

The purpose is to conceal one's own responsibility in the problem

Solution: Turn the victim into a participant, describe the important facts, and ask yourself whether you deliberately ignored your responsibility in this problem.

Emphasis on other people's mistakes and follies, ignoring their good behavior and intentions

Solution: Turn the villain into a normal person, ask yourself why a normal and rational person would do this, and understand the reasons for the other person’s behavior from various angles

Making excuses for our negative behavior in facing problems

Solution: What is my real purpose in turning helpless people into actors? What to do to achieve this

Start a calm conversation with the other person from the facts

State the conclusion drawn from the facts as a personal opinion rather than as a definite fact

Use contrast to clarify purpose and maintain an atmosphere of safety in the conversation

Start with subjective assumptions

Conclusions are subjective and highly controversial content

Acting too tough to gain the upper hand

Absolute words and exaggerated expressions

Don’t force the other person to accept your point of view, show interest in understanding the other person’s perspective

Describe their external performance calmly and objectively, control your tone and approach, and do not undermine their sense of security.

Use your own words to restate what the other person expressed so that they feel you are trying to understand them.

Get the other person to open up by taking risks, taking the initiative to show weakness, demonstrating belief, and creating a sense of security.