So why is it inseparable?

Adler opposed values ​​that consider the mind and body, reason and emotion, and consciousness/unconsciousness separately, and regarded the mind/body as an indivisible "whole"

When I get angry at others, it is the choice of "I as a whole", and it is definitely not the independent existence of feelings - it can be said that it has nothing to do with my will - roaring. If I separate myself from my feelings, I will easily fall into the lies of life

The state of seeing others as partners and being able to feel that "one has a place" (making a contribution) is called a sense of community.

The community advocated by Adler is not the "community" in our common impression, but includes "everything" from the past to the future, and even the universe as a whole.

The source of happiness also lies in interpersonal relationships A sense of community is the most important indicator of happy relationships

Use this as a starting point to turn your persistence into care for others

They transcended the "protagonist of life" and became the "protagonist of the world"

Others don’t live to meet your expectations

I am not the center of the world. The world is not a flat map but a sphere like a globe

It is to face "life issues" head-on: do not avoid interpersonal issues such as work, making friends, and love, but face them proactively

Instead of thinking about "what will this person give me", you must think about "what can I give this person". This is participation in the community.

People will never/cannot live "alone" without the community

All Adler's communities include not only visible existences such as family or company, but also invisible connections.

Why should we be aware of more and larger communities? Such as school

There is a wider world beyond school. And, we are all part of that world. If there is no place for you in the school, you can also find another place outside the school, transfer to another school, or drop out. A community that can cut off contact with a withdrawal form will only have that level of contact after all.

※If you understand the bigness of the world, you will understand that the suffering you suffered in school is just a "storm in a cup." Just jump out of the cup and the fierce storm will turn into a breeze

Being stuck at home is like staying in a cup and hiding in a little refuge. Even if you can take temporary shelter from the rain, the storm will not stop

The principle of “listening to the voice of the greater community”

If a relationship can collapse because of your opposition, then there is no need to enter into this relationship from the beginning, and it doesn’t matter if you abandon it on your own initiative.

Of course, there is no need to stick to the small community in front of you. More other "me and you", more other "everyone", and more large communities must exist

When educating children/training subordinates, it is usually criticism/praise education-----neither option is optional.

Basic Principles of Adlerian Psychology: Different but Equal

Precisely because we regard interpersonal relationships as vertical relationships and regard the other party as lower than ourselves, we interfere, hoping to lead the other party in the direction we want through interference. Believe that you are right and the other person is wrong

If a "horizontal relationship" is established, there will be no interference

We can’t just ignore it, we need to do some “assistance” that is not interference.

Separate subjects, children’s learning is decided by themselves, parents cannot replace it

Interference means intervening in other people's projects, giving instructions such as "Study hard" or "Which university should I go to?"

The premise of assistance is the separation of subjects and horizontal relationships. After understanding that learning is the child's subject, we then consider what can be helped. Instead of ordering the child to learn from a high position, we strive to help him establish that "he can learn by himself." of confidence

Help him use his own strength to solve the problem on the premise of separating the subjects. You can take a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink.

If you feel happy because you receive praise, it is tantamount to belonging to a vertical relationship and admitting that "you are incompetent" because praise is "an evaluation made by a capable person to an incompetent person"

If the goal is to gain praise, you will ultimately choose a lifestyle that caters to other people’s values.

What would you say when you think about an equal partner offering you help at work? Thank you----Thank you to express gratitude to the partners who helped you, or express your true joy with words such as "I am very happy", and express gratitude with "it helped a lot"------Based on the horizontal direction Relationship encouragement.

The important thing is not to "evaluate others". Evaluative language is language based on vertical relationships. If you can establish a horizontal relationship, you will naturally say more sincere words of gratitude, respect and joy.

"Thank you" is not an evaluation, but a more pure word of gratitude. When people hear words of thanks, they know that they can contribute to others.

To judge whether a certain behavior is "good" or "bad" is to use others as the standard. If you want to be praised, you can only conform to other people's standards and hinder your own freedom.

Q: How can I feel valuable?

※ People can only feel valuable when they can realize "I am useful to the community"

That is, by serving the community/others, we can realize that "I am useful to others" and subjectively think that "I can contribute to others." Only in this way can we truly appreciate our own value.

We should not use the standard of "behavior" but the standard of "existence" to view others.

Don’t judge others by “what they have done”, but express joy and gratitude for their existence itself.

Example: Parents hope that their children will get perfect scores in studies and sports, and then go to a good university and join a big company. If you compare yourself with this kind of ideal child, you will be dissatisfied with your own child.

Deducting points little by little from the 100 points of the ideal image is the idea of ​​"evaluation".

Don’t compare your child with others, don’t deduct points, start from point 0 can express gratitude to "existence" itself

It starts with you, without having to consider whether others will cooperate

First of all, it is okay to have only one side with others. We must establish horizontal relationships, not just as friends, but also with parents, juniors, and bosses.