alfred adler

Freud

Jung

Adlerian Psychology

People can change and everyone can achieve happiness

Andlerian psychology is not the cause of the past, but the purpose of the present ☞

❗What determines us is not our past experiences, but the meaning we give to our past experiences.

Anger is a means that can be released or recovered

We do not take actions under the control of our emotions or the past ☞

People can change, and they are not influenced by past reasons, but move towards their own goals.

The first step to change is to understand and find out for yourself the questions and answers from the conversation

Accept yourself as you are

Unhappiness is because you don’t love yourself

What matters is not what is given, but how to use what is given

Think that "unfortunate" is a "good" for you (that is, it is good for yourself)

Lifestyle is the result of one's own active choice

The reason why you cannot change is because you have made up your mind not to change. ☞ It is more comfortable to maintain the status quo.

It takes a lot of courage to change your lifestyle

Think → Do →

eg: A friend dreams of becoming a novelist, but always procrastinates because he doesn’t have time to write. ☞ He procrastinates on purpose because he doesn’t want to face the reality of being criticized or rejected.

It's good for you not to like yourself

eg: A female student blushes whenever she sees someone. She wants to cure her blushing phobia and then confess to the person she likes. ☞ She makes excuses and avoids herself because she is afraid of being rejected.

Only in a social environment can people become "individuals"

People's troubles originate from interpersonal relationships, and there will be other people's factors in any trouble.

Inferiority complex: having no value or little value

Objective facts cannot be changed, but subjective interpretations can be changed

Inferiority complex: a state of using inferiority complex as some kind of excuse

The correct use of inferiority complex: inferiority complex → getting rid of powerlessness → pursuing superiority

superior plot

Don’t compete with anyone, just compare with your “ideal self”

If there is competition, there will be victory or defeat → Troubles in interpersonal relationships (everyone is the enemy of “me”) → Unable to feel happiness

Private anger lasts only a short time, while public anger has the opposite effect.

Recognize the purpose of angry people and avoid being fooled or provoked

Interpersonal relationships rise to the stage of revenge: one suppresses the other party and is retaliated against

Don’t rely on “getting angry”

Obsessed with winning or losing → I am right and the other party is wrong → It becomes a “power struggle” ☞

Target

Work topic: work that requires cooperation with others

Friendship topic: Friendships outside of work

Love topics: love/husband and wife relationship; parent-child relationship

eg: People who have been bored for a long time first have the idea of ​​hating the other person, and then they discover the other person's shortcomings.

Seeking approval from others → Wanting to be praised → Influenced by reward and punishment education (Adler criticized this behavior)

Blindly seeking approval from others ☞ Live according to others’ expectations

interpersonal conflicts

❗“You can take a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink water”

Children are independent individuals and will not live exactly according to their parents’ ideas.

Learning is a subject for children, and parents can provide corresponding help

Choose the path you think is best. How to evaluate it is a matter for others.

Learn to separate yourself from other people’s issues

Separation of topics is the starting point of interpersonal relationships. Building good interpersonal relationships requires maintaining a certain distance.

Learn to separate topics and simplify interpersonal relationships

In order to gain approval from others → please others → become unfree

Tendency: instinctive desire

The courage to be hated: It doesn’t matter even if you are hated

Make up your mind to change, and you will have control over your interpersonal relationships

"I" has changed, only "I" has changed

eg: Heartbeat speeding up due to nervousness, hands and feet shaking, etc.

Seeking approval from others (obsession with self)

Self-centeredness: Others are just people who serve "me"

The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment

You are just a part of the community, you need to find a sense of belonging in the community

When we see no exit in our relationships, we can consider joining a larger and more community

Praise is the evaluation made by capable people to those who are incompetent.

Praise/Criticism: Use candy/whip to manipulate others

Encouragement: Neither criticize nor praise, establish an equal horizontal relationship

Only when "I am useful to the community" can people feel their own value

Don't use the "behavior" standard, but use the "existence" standard to look at others P285-287

Establish equal relationships with people → lifestyle changes → all interpersonal relationships will develop "horizontally"

Self-acceptance: Accept what you can’t do, and then work towards what you can achieve.

Trust in others: Trust others unconditionally ☞ Build deep relationships with people

Others’ contribution: influence and contribute to others as partners

By participating in a community, you can reflect the value of "me" and gain a sense of belonging.

Self-acceptance → Trust by others → Dedication by others ☞ Reflect self-worth

Understanding Adler’s thoughts is conducive to improving life

Because I am busy at work, I have no time to take care of my family ☞ Use work as an excuse to avoid other responsibilities

❗The greatest misfortune for people is that they don’t like themselves

Happiness is the sense of contribution ☞ “I am useful to others”

Hope it's excellent

Hope it's particularly bad

Purpose: to attract the attention of others and become a "special existence"

Ordinary ≠ incompetent

Life is just a series of points, we can only live in "this moment"

Potential life: wanting to reach the destination

Real life: every beating moment (uncertainty)

Realistic movement: a movement that regards the process itself as the result

The past cannot be changed and the future cannot be predicted. Focus on the “now”

Focusing on the "here and now" means doing what you can do now carefully and carefully

The biggest lie in life: Not living in the “here and now”

It is neither yesterday nor tomorrow that plays a decisive role, but "this moment"